-drags hands down her face-

I'll shut up after this and go draw, but I'm seeing a lot of absolute statements lately on the nature of art as an expression of trauma - but also that, an expression of trauma isn't porn. That's true, absolutely!

But what about when it's... Not?

My art - Ila and Idris, my writing, the incest, all of it - is an expression of my grief and longing for what I never had, /because of/ and in the /wake of/ incest trauma that spanned nearly twenty years of my life.

I get off to it. Constantly. I /want/ others to get off to it.

I /want/ people to find Idris desirable (within reason, he is my husbands' avatar), I /want/ Ila to be cute and sexy. I /want/ my romance to drip sexual tension, I /want/ it to be titillating/heartwrenching. I /want/ to bond with people over the grief, the romance, AND the sex!

Just because something goes in that direction doesn't mean it's lesser as an expression of pain. It doesn't have to be painful, or scary, or very surreal to be cathartic. Sex and sexuality are just as deep an emotional facet as anything else that makes us human.

I just get irritated by the General Consensus of a lot of this shit that I'm on the side of - it completely shuts out an entire lived experience in favor of pushing back against fascy puritans, because my experience isn't as clear cut, isn't as comfortable to shout from on high.

And this is why I have these conversations on my Curiouscat and Dreamwidth, lmao.

-whispers- often it feels like the call is coming from inside the house and it makes my skin crawl