“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.”

Kylo Ren lived his life by this mantra. When I realized he died by it, too, my brain exploded on the inside of my skull. It might be the best teaching from the Dark Side, one that when understood fully has galaxy saving consequences.

Kylo spent years of his life trying to change the outer world in hopes that the inner world would change as a result. Unfortunately, anyone on a spiritual journey can tell you blaming everyone around you for the pain inside you won’t get you very far.

He kills his father in hopes of becoming what he was meant to be. He is greeted with only more agony. He kills his mentor and abuser Snoke hoping to become what he was meant to be. Though his station rises and his resolve intensifies, he is still lost.

Kylo Ren is barely a person, more an aspect of Ben Solo. Kylo is the personification of every horrific thing Ben experienced, his anger, resentment, desire to control, dominate, destroy everything that might hurt him again. Kylo Ren is the shield Ben Solo uses to protect himself.

Coping mechanisms, no matter how necessary and helpful at first, over time no longer serve us in the way they once did. They actually make our lives significantly worse. We lose ourselves behind them, we can’t remember where the trauma ends and we begin.

Ben believes this mantra applies to everyone who hurt him; “Kill it, if you have to.” It isn’t until his belief is used on himself that he experiences the transformation, the rebirth, the “become what you were meant to be” he longed to experience for so many years.

It isn’t until Ben Solo has the courage to let go of Kylo Ren and face his trauma head on that he can help the woman he loves and save the galaxy.

Many spiritual teachers have taught that becoming your truest self isn’t so much of a creating as it is a letting go of all the things you accumulated along your life that were never you to begin with. When I find the courage to let the past go, I’m free to be me exactly as I am.