I
I tried listening to one of my fav songs and i still felt anxious so i tried listening to always hero and it immediately made me feel better again .... why...
Its...
The beat isn't meant to be calming ...,
Its an electric guitar song but..

I am literally so dependant and attached to chiaki its,
I dont know if i should be concerned or what...
While listening it made me realize too that back then i considered myself a realist but if it came to myself i was unbearably pessimistic and never even bothered to try but-

chiaki made me alot more positive,
he made me really motivated to push myself instead of just, lose hope despite knowing that you do need to push yourself to change.
I always gave an effort to help other people but when it came to myself i just never managed to believe in myself

Im talking about chiaki again ..... idk i
I decided i didnt want to stay so attached to a character 2 months ago but here i am,
Even more attached than before,
I know, the limit, and i want to think about myself too but i, just can't.
Its not a bad thing, it still helps me, but-

its just not,
Im just not satisfied with what it is,
It makes me feel bad sometimes but of course i shouldnt, so that makes me get over it but ....
Eh...
Idk where my life is going at this point or what ill become, ill just see and make sure its not, anything bad,

I dont care about having a "fulfilling life" i never have, but now that feeling is in a bit different way,
Like i used to just, give up, and have no hope,
Then it became, "as long as i dont bother anyone else"
Now its, i want to enjoy life as much as i can, and just go w the flow

Idc about achievements,
I just want to live, a good and happy life,
Im going to only live once,
The afterlife? I dont want to think about that,

Im more positive now, alot more positive, and i dont, know if its stupid that its bc of, some... anime boy, but idc...
I still get discouraged and depressed but if it werent for the change of outlook i wouldnt be able to bring myself back up again, feeling like that is something-

that cant be helped after all, but i just know that if that happens, ill motivate myself and stay positive,

idk what this thread became,
Sorry i just, rambled....
I really want to say those things....

I always want to believe, im a hyper and energetic person, well i am... to people im comfortable with but if its strangers its the total opposite,
But i am that kinda person, its my true self i dont act that way infront of strangers cause of nervousness, hhhhhnn

i should stop feeling down about not being, that, cool, confident person i imagine myself to be because that kinda stuff cant be helped,
Its ok to feel pathetic abt it but i shouldnt let it discourage me, ill just practice and slowly grow into that person i wanna be