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We recently celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary. Thank you for all the lovely messages and good wishes. For those asking How did we manage to stay married? TBH, I don’t have all the answers. Looking back here’s what I learnt. A Thread
We met at work. So, no I don’t judge office romances, but they can get ugly when they end. I realized how much he liked me when he bought me an extravagant floral arrangement for Valentines Day. It wasn’t just a bouquet. We dated for over 2 years before we got married.
Lesson 1. Marry your friend. This was my parent’s advice. He wasn’t my best friend at the time, but a good friend. We have great conversations, some deep & meaningful, some not so serious, others - pure gossip. We enjoy being together.
Lesson 2. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. I learnt more about my husband in the 1st of marriage than I did in the time we dated. We bring habits and pattern from our families into marriage. You need understanding & patience to live with someone you weren’t raised with.
Lesson 3. Money matters, but love matters more. In the first year of our marriage, we had our first child, bought our first home & moved house & were the most broke we’d ever been. We had to dramatically change our lifestyle, no more shopping & lunch dates. We survived.
Lesson 4: Love is a commitment, not a feeling. There were so many times I wanted to give up, pack & leave because things were difficult. Marriage brings other parties into your relationship, children, in-laws, the help... We both had to push past the hurt feelings & be a team.
Lesson 5: Sex gets better over time. It takes effort, practice and consideration to get it right. There’s nothing out there that you can’t make happen at home. Really. Just You take care of your body, resolve your relationship issues & be there for each other & 
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Lesson 4.5. You’re married, not dead. You don’t stop being ATTRACTIVE or ATTRACTED to other people. The difference is when you’re married you choose daily to be with the person you chose. Love is about commitment, not feelings, because feelings pass, including sexual ones.
Lesson 6: Allow each other to be individuals, respect your partner’s choices & try to join him or her once in a while. My husband is a soccer fan. I went to 3 World Cup matches in 2010. I love music & dance, he goes to concerts & festivals with me. he enjoys some not all of them.
Lesson 7. Keep your friends close. Spend time with people who knew you before you became Mrs... I’m an extrovert, my husband isn’t. He makes an effort to accommodate my need to spend time with other people even if he doesn’t need to. He goes out with his friends occasionally/
My husband isn’t the type of guy that come home at 5:00 am after a night out. It’s nice to be with people but if you’re going to make a life with someone, you have to understand, adjust & be there for your partner. I realized after 2 dates he wasn’t outgoing & I was ok with that.
Lesson 8: Love God. What kind of a preacher would I be if I didn’t say this? Seriously though. Spirituality is an essential part of life & sustains relationships. Invest time in prayer, meditation, worship & study to grow in love, get wisdom & effectively manage your emotions.
