at the end of the day the only person i can blame for me wrongly transitioning is myself, but there's really something to be fuckin said about the mainstream online trans community.
the focus and literal PUSH of transition and HRT as a perfect solution to all of your problems-

-the fact that i was told by countless people to LIE and WITHHOLD INFORMATION to my therapist in order to get HRT, that i was told not to trust my therapist, that there were literal tumblr posts that i engaged in that coached me on what to say to get my diagnosis...

i get that shit like that is more focused on getting real trans people the help they need as quick as possible, but it also results in thousands of cases like mine. you can't fucking do that shit. you can't coach teenagers— literal CHILDREN— on what to say to get access to

irreversible hormones and surgeries. it's fucked. real trans people need better access to HRT and surgeries, yes, but you have no way of knowing who is really trans and who is just a scared, traumatized, confused teenager. there needs to be a fucking middle ground here.

what KILLS me is that my therapist was doing her job. she had my best interests at heart. she KNEW something wasn't right, but i was so insistent and knew exactly what to say to get what i wanted. she HAD to let me have access to HRT, or else she would have been branded as-

-gatekeeping and transphobic.
therapists aren't allowed to be anything but affirming. that's a very real thing. they have to be affirming or they lose their jobs. do you know how FUCKED that is?? offering alternate solutions to perceived gender dysphoria before trying

-permanent medical transition isn't fucking transphobic, it's just logical. it protects people like me and prevents cases like mine. if she'd been able to look me in the eye and say "I don't think you are trans. i think you should try some other methods before transition."

i wouldn't be here. this wouldn't have happened.
im just. im so upset with and feel so betrayed by this community that i felt so at home in for so long. this just sucks lmao

sorry for this thread i was just venting u can ignore it