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If you find yourself chasing & #39;that feeling& #39; and slowly doing the very things you told yourself you& #39;d never do, or you& #39;re losing friends and family who& #39;re rightly sick of your shit, or you& #39;re so sick of your own shit you keep using to make the bad feelings go away: I understand.
I did these things for years. I kept looking for the magic pill, the quick fix, the external solution to the internal problem. Something to make the void in me go away. Anything to make the pain stop, short of actually changing anything of course. I was my own worst enemy.
I hurt people I love (some multiple times), and did some truly fucked up things. I lied, cheated, and stole. Pretty much the archetypical addict, and yet I still thought I was the one being wronged all the time. Always the victim, never responsible for what happened. POOR ME. 
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Yes, that& #39;s right: the problem was me. But not that I was a bad person or unworthy, I just didn& #39;t know how to love & care for myself. Just that I didn& #39;t want to do the hard work of figuring out & addressing WHY I felt so fucked up–I just wanted to skip straight to feeling better.
If you feel like this thread is talking to you, all I& #39;d like to tell you is that no magic pill or brew is going to help you. Things can get better, but not all at once... you& #39;ll stumble sometimes. Life will never be perfect, but you don& #39;t have to be perfect to be okay.
Reach out to a loved one, go to an Anon meeting, find a substance abuse counsellor in your area. There is LOTS of support if you want it & are willing to work for it. You can do it! Light the fire in you, reach out and grab it, because *nobody else can save you.*
This goes for loved ones of addicts too: STOP. Stop "trying to help." Helping ≠ saying yes! Every time you do this you& #39;re only enabling them to continue using. Most of all never, ever, EVER send money. Buy food if you must, but NEVER send cash.
They will probably try to manipulate your emotions and make you feel guilty, but all they want is the next fix. It& #39;s possessed them, like a Facehugger. Stand your ground out of love, the best thing you can do for them is help starve that beast.
