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Has anyone else got an album that perfectly encapsulates a time in your life? I do. Speak for Yourself by @imogenheap reminds me of the time and specific events when I lived Down South (having lived/grown up Up North) (a Thread) 1/
2/ A recent “Music Challenge” I’m taking part in on Instagram brought this album back to me and how it became a narrative to my 3 years living just outside of London. I’ve always loved this album and at the moment, with being in lockdown and having more time to sit and listen
3/ to full albums, I realised that so many events and situations that I experienced whilst living there were popping into my head as the songs rolled on. I’m not exaggerating when I say that every song on this album perfectly detail things that happened to me.
4/ I have to mention that I was very unwell mentality with undiagnosed (mild) OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I had a lot of delusions and paranoid thoughts that I believed were real. Goodnight and Go describes one such delusion...
5/ Clear The Area was the struggle my then Boyfriend (now Husband) had with my clearly deteriorating mental health whilst away at University.
6/ Loose Ends reminds me of the job I had as a cocktail bar waitress and some attentions I got from people I met through the job. It was a really messed up time in my life and I could have made some really head decisions.
7/ Closing In - I didn’t have much money but saved some of my wage each week to be able to go an visit my Boyfriend at University when I had 2 days off in a row. The train was only an hour or so (maybe 2) but it was almost always in the middle of the night.
8/ equally, The Walk details bad decisions I almost took in desperation, for contact and closeness. I reiterate, I was very unwell mentally, unmedicated and nowhere near successful therapy. I was far from my home and friends and utterly, utterly miserable.
9/ Have You Got It In You? Hiding my mental illness from the people I worked with. The few friends I made there. The life itself was chaotic with drug taking and sleeping around happening between my colleagues. My penchant for self sabbotage was born here, I’m convinced of it.
10/ The Moment I Said It. One of the worst memories I have. A friend of my twin sisters was drunk at the pub with me one night. I’ve blocked almost everything he said to me but he spend about 3 hours, in my face, venomously telling me how pathetic...
11/ I was. How I was completely worthless and didn’t deserve to live or have someone as wonderful as my Twin sister in my life. I was scum, worse than scum and made him sick. That I deserved every bad thing that had ever happened to me.
12/ I hurt so much that as I walked home I concidered jumping from a bridge into a freezing canal. I didn’t want to live any more. Thankfully we moved back not long after that, I wasn’t gpbetter but being away from that place helped.
13/ listening back to that album now, I remember all those tings (and more, I didn’t want this thread to be too long). I remember being so miserable, hurting so much. But it also makes me thankful.
14/ I listen to Speak for Yourself now with a little sadness for the person I was then and what I went through but thankful. I am still mentally unwell but managed. Medicated. Been to Therapy many times. I am married, happier and have so much in my life.
