Me + my high risk lungs have been quarantined for weeks, but I’ve been social distancing for *checks notes*
5 years.
Ive had my reasons, but someone decided that NOW was the time to turn my trauma into gossip.
They can’t silence me, so here’s my #metoo thread (1/?)

TW: rape

I’m exhausted. I’ve been shamed & attacked. it’s been 3 days of hell so I’ll *try* to keep this short
(the entire unedited story, is on my website- link in bio).
It’s graphic, horrific, & ugly. Rape always is. My cousin raped me & I will not stay silent (2/?)

Should we start with what I was wearing? That’s usually what they ask right? They mock us with dress codes as if the fault is on us & an outfit can double as an invitation for rape. Sorry to disappoint, I was wearing an overpriced knee length skirt ( credit: my rapist) (3/?)

My rapist, like many other predators- was feeding me drinks + weed all night. I shouldn’t have to remind you that intoxication≠consent, but given the nature of this story I’ll double down. it doesn’t matter what you drink or smoke. You don’t deserve to be raped. (4/?)

I was amongst family, I felt safe. I was happy until my rapist belittled me over my appearance. He hated my hairy armpit gender non conforming body, he detested my confidence in the face of his machismo. He eventually apologized over drinks. (5/?)

He was my dd, & promised his mom + sister (who’s house we were at) he was sober. On the drive home he offered my mom hits of his dab pen, her first, & she was OUT. He played 90’s trance & stopped to buy Newport’s & beer. He said the party didn’t have to end, prima (6/?)

At my aunts house, while my mom slept & the neighbors partied- he raped me. It felt like knives & I cried as I felt the blood pool beneath me. I pleaded, I bargained, I cried & fought. My protests, my no’s, my cries were all ignored. (7/?)

My rapist, on the other hand, was calm. It was sociopathic the way he spoke to me as if this was completely normal, romantic even. He seemed used to fear, coercion, & force. ‘Enjoy it’ he said as he raped me. (8/?)

After, he confessed it was pre-meditated. He seemed proud of his conquest- he mentioned women he dated who reminded him of me (while I was still underage). He had fantasized about this. I felt sick- covered in blood & wanting to die. Eventually I made it out of Miami. (9/?)

I spent the last 5 years distancing myself, afraid. Only a few people knew. The day my trauma was exposed was my dad birthday- I cried as I left his cake on the doorstep & so badly wanted to hug him. He doesn’t know, & I still fear they’ll tell him to get at me. (10/?)

I had to relive these details, the ones too dark for this thread, with my mom- hearing her weep & break. We don’t know when we’ll hold each other again as we’re both high risk- so we just cried together. (11/?)

Other y2k cousins reached out to me & lifted me up even as our hearts broke together. There is no sense to be made of this. I cried knowing I wasn’t alone- for myself & for the voiceless victims. (12/?)

There was a rapist in my path. My first cousin, oldest son of one of my moms oldest sisters, who watched my grow & held me as a baby- raped me. They will attack me, threaten me- but I am not afraid. El violador eres TÚ. (13/fin)