No one's talking about this, so I decided I wanted to at 4am! Here's a thread on languages of care, emotional support in found families, the quarantine, and why you might feel especially lonely and unsupported right now.

THREAD! 1/?

Note: This is about MY friend group. I cannot promise everyone will relate to this or that it makes sense. This friend group is specifically a found family, who has been through shared collective traumas before.

2/?

So, we all have things called languages of care. A language of care is the tools we use to let someone else know we love them! For example, one person might say they care by giving gifts, and another person might say this by complimenting you, or by talking with you.

3/?

This quarantine has forced us all to restructure our care languages. The default way I let my friends know I love them is I offer a place for them to stay. Shelter is my main care language. When that's taken away from me, I suddenly feel like I can't say I Love You!

4/?

If your care language is about stoic support, offers of favors, hosting, or shared activities, you might suddenly feel like you don't know how to let people in your life know you care, and this might reflect back as feeling like they're rejecting your love.

5/?

Meanwhile, other people are struggling in the opposite way. My wonderful GF's care language is text conversations. Now she's suddenly overworked and overwhelmed!

6/?

Normally, the way my friend group holds itself together is that only one person has a crisis at a time. During that time, most of us are lowkey supportive and a few of us are highkey supportive. By trading off, we can help everyone without losing our minds.

7/?

But in the quarantine, lowkey support no longer exists. Your friends are either highkey supportive or just another face online. And not all of your friends even CAN be highkey supportive! Only the ones whose care languages overlap with the quarantine

8/?

PLUS we are all in crisis! Only a few of our friends actually have the tools to support people, and they need supporting too! And if you need a specific care language to help? Well you're SOL

9/?

Okay, but how can you cope with this?

Welp, that's still something I'm trying to figure out. Here's some tricks I've learned though

10/?

- Figure out the emotions behind a care language you need. I miss the domesticity care language, but I've been replacing it with lots of quiet phone calls.
- Learn new care languages! Translate your care languages into a digital environment.

11/?

- Check in often, and communicate needs loudly. Sometimes people can't tell what you need!
- Respect each other's boundaries. We are all losing our minds right now, each in a different wack way. Many of us are actively getting traumatized. Many of us are mega overwhelmed.

12/?

- Don't hold any of this against your friends. This isn't a time when you learn who the real ride or die friends are. This is a traumatic, complex event that no one is suited to handle. You might be in a lot of fucking pain. That's okay! Know it is no one's fault.

13/?

Well, was this helpful? What are your languages of care? Have you learned any particular tips or tricks? Do you find this super unrelatable? PLEASE comment!

14/fin!