A Holy Saturday reflection

In wake of God's death,
silence prophesies
Blessed are you who don't expect Jesus to return,
who are unsure if God keeps promises,
who return to your usual business,
welcome.

This day means more to me than any other on the Christian calendar, because the first to sit in this liminal space, do so in the wake of a catasrophe.

A catastrophe worth losing faith over.
And they do.
No one was expecting Jesus, tho He said he'd return.

When Jesus does, in the story, He's doesn't have an attitude about them not waiting for him.

Maybe He knew that expecting a resurrection was still a lot to ask.

Anyway, it offers me the possibility that perhaps God is not mad at me for not being able to be sure about God.

I lie on the floor and weep telling the God I'm not sure can hear me, "I miss you so much."

This is the day I don't feel like a failure for being uncertain.
When I remember that God can't require anyone to be sure about God.
The day I blend in with all the others who just. don't. know.