For some people, having seders in quarantine was the perfect opportunity to conduct the sedarim of their dreams. Focus on your kids and nobody else. Sing the tunes you want to sing. Conduct the efficient-yet-effective or extended-but-inspiring seder you never could with others.

Those fortunate enough to have such enjoyable seders (although missing their loved ones) might be tempted to think that this is the ideal way to have a seder. It is tempting to think we have been overdoing it for years, thanks to communal norms. Maybe small is the way to go.

I occasionally have these thoughts at seders. They usually come while trying to convince a child to follow along during our fourth dvar Torah of the hour, and right after our second major spill and third passive aggressive argument about which tune to use.

And at face value, if your sedarim are more organized, calm, meaningful, enjoyable, spiritual, child-friendly, etc.. etc... with just your immediates, then why not go in that direction? Have extended-family sedarim become a necessary evil? The answer, IMO, is no.

Each of our customs and traditions comprise multiple values, respectively. We don't just believe "spiritually meaningful" to be the only or primary value of Judaism. Not every experience is meant to bring us "closer to G-d" in its simplest definition.

Family, gratitude, kindness, learning from others, tradition, and yes, fun, are all Jewish values. To incorporate these values (and others), sometimes "spirituality" has to take a back seat. (The truth is, these values are part of "spirituality," as they embody the human spirit.)

It is true that each holiday, ritual & tradition has a central purpose. Sometimes this purpose is more devotional in nature (Yom Kippur, for example). But accommodations we make for others must be viewed through the lens of balancing values, not, G-d forbid, compromising them.