Depression. Today it hit with that same feeling you get when you're outside and the sun is warm on your skin and suddenly a cloud obscures that warmth and it's cold and dark. It's like a weight on your shoulders that you wish you wish you could shed.

I wondered at first where it came from. Why today all of the sudden. It made me feel tired mid day so I laid down for a nap for a couple of hours. I woke feeling a bit rested but still blue. It affected my entire mood, made me grumpy, irritable and sad.

This evening it dawned on me why. I've been very focused on the news of this pandemic. I cannot ignore it. I'm running a business keeping people's cars going. I have safe protocols in place that take vigilance. No errors allowed or, I might get sick.

Getting sick is a worry in the back of my mind. It's a barking dog that I keep tied up that just won't shut up. I don't have time to deal with it. It's too much of a distraction from more important things running a business, keeping an employee busy and paid.

Add to that worry the annoying pine pollen that irritates my throat, makes me tired and sometimes causes me to "dry cough". "Am I getting sick or is it just the pollen? Did I expose myself to any possible avenue for infection? I've so vigilant. I disinfect everything everyday.

I wear a mask when ever I have to be near anyone outside the shop. No one comes inside. What if I get sick? What will happen to this business that is just starting to do well?"
Today it all caught up to me. The worry, the constant stream of bad news, death, grief, sadness.

We all have a point at which something inside breaks.
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I can't begin to imagine what health car workers are going through. I wonder how they deal with being on the front lines seeing death happen even though they fight to stop it coming. I have much empathy for them.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll feel better, do something creative to counter all this death that's a constant reminder of this pandemic. Maybe I can forget for a while that because we have no real leader to guide us through this, the real way to survive is through each other.

All of you here that I follow, and others that I don't, provide me with a sense that I'm not alone in this. I get to see what you are going through, and in that shared experience I find some solace. Thank you Twitter friends. Be safe, stay healthy.