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Okay, secret society story, here goes:
I was a reaaaal motivated type in college. Big-time joiner. (Yes, my ambitious streak peaked at 21.) I was president of a service club & had been accepted into a rah-rah school spirit type of society, the whole process of which was public.
I was a reaaaal motivated type in college. Big-time joiner. (Yes, my ambitious streak peaked at 21.) I was president of a service club & had been accepted into a rah-rah school spirit type of society, the whole process of which was public.
There was a lot of pomp & circumstance in the onboarding for that – tons of activities. Leaving an event one evening, I’m led by another member out into a dark part of campus where several other students – some I knew, some I didn’t – are holding candles & waiting for me.
I am now in the pledge class of a secret society. The organization I had APPLIED to was a big pipeline for that, so I was vaguely aware that secret societies existed. But it was still a mystery to me why they existed or what anyone supposedly got out of being involved.
Like...I didn’t go to Yale. Presidents aren’t made in the secret society of a state school in Central PA.
But, fine. It’s nice, it’s an honor. I learn more that night about other people who are in my “class” – many I was already friends with, all of them involved in the school community. It’s silly, but it’s validation of my extracurricular efforts. And who doesn’t like candles?
Somehow it’s arranged that all the pledges get together. We met up in some lounge & have pleasant, chill, getting-to-know-you time. Then we’re commanded (via a phone call, I think?) to leave immediately & head to the top floor of a parking garage.
It’s winter, in the middle of the night, & the top floor is exposed. We stand out there freezing for almost an hour, then some older members arrive & start getting in our faces, asking us personal questions about each other, which we can’t answer.
This results in them yelling at us, telling us that these are the most important people we’ll meet in our college career and that we had better know them as well as we know ourselves.
This is hilarious to me, because I’m about to turn 21. My best friends in the world are my roommates, none of whom are there, and also, this is fucking stupid, and the guy screaming at me is 5’9” and weighs about a buck fifty.
So I’ve already got one foot out the door. But what clinches it is that the next society pledge event is scheduled for the night of a major party for the organization I actually pursued & was thrilled to get into. I’m told I have to leave early and that I can’t tell my Big why.
We were sworn to secrecy about all of it from jump, of course. Meanwhile, my roommates are getting play-by-play recaps of all the high security clearance happenings, like the candles and the parking garage. Again: the Skulls, this was not.
So I’m not going to lie to people who’ve been nothing but kind to me & I don’t see what’s fun about proving myself to others who already SOUGHT ME OUT. (I didn’t understand my anxiety yet, but I also don’t care for being watched or chased; it makes me extremely uncomfortable.)
And I’m not going to spoil the experience that I worked for just because this is supposed to be more prestigious. (At this point, they still hadn’t told us what the society DID. I found out later...as I suspected: nothing.)
Resolved and totally turned off, I send an email to the president of the society, saying that while I am very honored and appreciate their faith in me, I’m not interested in moving forward. My schedule won’t allow it.
Later that night, he accidentally copies me on an email he sends to the rest of the pledge class, forwarding my message and saying that they are only strong as a unit and that they must do whatever they can to get me back. He has no idea that I’m on this until I Reply All back.
I become the David Rose “hey...it’s me” gif, telling everyone that they should conserve their energy. I wish them well in every way, but I am not interested & can’t be swayed. I get an apology from the president for including me on his very creepy email (my words, not his).
It’s done, right? Sure is! Almost immediately, several prominent students who had just realized I existed & had been chatting me up stopped acknowledging me entirely. Not the worst punishment for someone who has an active social life & has already been on campus for 4 years.
But whatever makes you feel more important!
To put this in perspective: I went to a school with 40,000 students. The vast majority of them weren’t involved in any of this; couldn’t have picked any of these overachievers out of a lineup. They were only doing this for each other.
To put this in perspective: I went to a school with 40,000 students. The vast majority of them weren’t involved in any of this; couldn’t have picked any of these overachievers out of a lineup. They were only doing this for each other.
The cherry on top of it all: A few months after I graduated, I moved to NYC. A friend added me to a general listserv of students who were in the city. (That’s how we communicated in the olden days.) After a couple of weeks, the tap of emails turns off.
I hear that others are getting them, but I’m not. Some of the individuals on the distro list are the ones who treated me like I was invisible as soon as I quit rush. They DELETED me bc I didn’t want to join their club where they pat each other on the back for being such LEADERS.
One night, I go out after work for drinks. Many drinks. And when I get home, I decide that there could be no better time for me to confront them about it.
The grand conclusion of this story is drunk me sending an irate email to all the subscribers to a recent graduate listserv, being like, “You think I don’t know why you did this, BUT I DO.”
