here's something I am uncomfortable saying because it half-ejects (?) me out of this community.

maybe right, maybe cynical, but:

we're all doing it wrong.

if you put all your effort into being braver - instead of healing - you would've already been much farther ahead. https://twitter.com/SimonDeDeo/status/1249008889946935297

you're tempted to reject it: "I might've been more successful, but less happy". you know what? maybe not.

money doesn't bring happiness, but it sure removes a lot of stress, letting you heal faster.

[awesome rich successful people] are in the "unknown unknowns" territory for me. I shouldn't assume they are all broken inside, or even "more broken on average".

"combat taoism" might be a thing. the same skills that let you get shit done might also let you apply maximum effort at achieving happiness, instead of doing it by micro steps, trying new techniques, day by day, tweet by tweet. https://twitter.com/chaosprime/status/1248277721769299969

you're building strength, fighting the multitude of fears that prevent you from being a good public speaker.

meanwhile, somebody with the same fears bravely gets on stage, and discovers all the *fun* things about public speaking.

a powerful dose of motivation => they go faster.

"I won't enter another relationship before I fix myself, otherwise I'll fuck up both of us".

what if the best way to fix yourself is to practice?

what if screwing it up on the first try is okay? what if both you and the other person would be better off even given the screwup?

when was the last time you tried something you *knew* you would screw up on the first try?

and how often do you do it? can you do it TEN TIMES as often?

"I'll charge 1.5x more for my consulting services and if it works I'll keep increasing it by 1.5x".

meanwhile somebody increases it by 10x and gets lucky. everybody gets lucky sometimes. when you're being slow and careful, getting lucky won't help you as much.

your app helps ppl and earns money. (hi Beeminder! hi Complice! I love you guys and I'm sorry.)

what if there's a different idea you could execute in *a week* and it would earn more money *and* be vastly more useful to people?

what's the % of time you spend on such ideas?

Beeminder started in 2011. how unlucky do you have to be to not hit upon an even more useful idea during those nine years?

"but you would also need skills to execute such an idea". is [working on Beeminder] the most effective way to get those skills?

(^ this has been in my head for several years by now. I never said it out loud.)

"success is a flawed goal". sure. okay. don't use success as a goal.

but whatever *are* your goals - success (in its "productivity" meaning) might help you a lot.

"I am slowly becoming more free to be myself. I'm losing my chains. I don't want to return to chasing things that never brought me joy".

first - some of those things might help you get more joy. but even if not..

..why do you think that "realizing they are wrong" is the only possible way? what if you actually *got them* instead?

the results of [applying productivity] will help you get happier. your happiness will amplify your [productivity]. both drives working together.

"I used to think lots of sex would make me happier, but I was so wrong. now I know that to be happy I need to [fix things]."

now that you've fixed things, have you tried revisiting the "lots of sex" idea? maybe you would enjoy it more now.

"I don't need it, ever after I dropped [a shitton of self-beating every day] I'm happy". okay.

so you don't need to fill the void inside with sex. or alcohol. or meaningless achievements. sure. but it doesn't mean they can't enrich *some* part of you.

(^ warning: this is a diversion from the earlier point, the one about bravery. if you disagree with this one, the point about bravery still stands.)

you like the idea of Hard Mode. eye on the ball. don't lose sight of your values. don't try to get big. don't chase proxies. fulfill your values.

meanwhile Bill Gates (yes, extreme case) was chasing a completely useless ball for decades, but now has $100bn to pour into charity.

"I can do it too without losing sight of the ball. I'll chase numbers knowing that one day I'll pour them into charity".

what if you can't efficiently chase the numbers without pouring at least *part* of your heart into number-chasing? but you don't let yourself.

"I know what would happen if I started chasing the numbers here instead of doing self-therapy".

the fuck do I know? I never tried it *anywhere*. I didn't use even 5% of the tricks a normal followers-obsessed person would use.

what if something *unexpected* would happen? "nah, I know what would happen". no, I don't.

I know only the bad things that would happen if I tried half-heartedly.

I don't know what good things might happen if I *really* tried.

also see, semi-related to this thread https://twitter.com/TheOrangeAlt/status/1248282730464452609