It's been two years and I still think about my baby girl Xena; a vivacious, lovely and LOUDMOUTHED black lab. As a puppy she walked up to my dad (an ogre) and barked for his attention. At that moment we knew she was fit for our family.

We compared her to Beyonce throughout the years, because she was entertaining, tall and above all an absolute diva. She dominated over her brother (a yellow lab named Rontu) and later our Shar Pei (Senor Bear) and even cowed the lil princess Daisu

But as she got older, she started to lose function of her hips, which meant more so than not she made a lot of noise to get our attention, or just from the pain of age. There were a lot of nights were we didn't sleep well because she woke us up, or we had to clean up messes

There were moments I despised Xena for the constant disruption to our life, but it was immediately followed by intense hatred and self loathing towards MYSELF for holding her pain against her. How is my 14 year old puppy suppose to get help if not for us?

It was about 1am, in our layover apartment when my mother started screaming that Xena was dying. She apparently hit her head and immediately started having a seizure, panting and making choked noises. I never felt such fear to this day, not even when I was stabbed

I carried her in a wagon, and sang to her as we drove to a 24 hour animal hospital. The nurses took her in immediately, and a doctor shortly administered valium to help her relax. They told us she wasn't going to get out of the seizures, and sure enough they would start again

after waiting for my siblings and about four doses of valium we gave the okay to the Doctor to put her to sleep. I felt numb, and instinctually angry towards the dr. as they pushed the syringe effectively killing her. But there wasn't anything to do.

I cried all night like I never did in my life, the biggest regret I still carry that I could be angry and resentful of Xena, who never thought of anything but being with us and loving us. I carry a picture of her in my wallet, but I can't look at it too long before crying

I'll deleted this thread, but before I do I wanted to share a picture of Xena in better times, enjoying the feel of a $4000 couch. An ode to my little fur sister, who protected us, loved us, and above all lived with us for 14 crazy years.