Me: *playing wow*
Husband *snuggling with kitten* awww no, don’t put your tail back!*
M: huh?
H: oh I’m petting him, and he put his tail back and I cupped his starfish....
M: you what?
H: his starfish...I cupped his crusty starfish

M: *dissolves into crylaughing*
H: *muttering about crusty starfish*
M: *WHEEZING...grabs phone....*
H: oh SURE...you don’t put my epic monologues on Twitter, just stuff like cupping CRUSTY STARFISH!!!
M: *cant breath*