I think what every Tory MP has in common is this - they all remind you of a manager you’ve worked with & wondered how they avoided the sack for as long as they have.

Matt Hancock - line manager in a Surrey branch of Foxtons who’s never been invited out for Friday night drinks.

Grant Shapps - spends days on PowerPoint presentations that use the word ‘synergy’ a lot for his team of recruitment consultants who’ve all separately fantasised about feeding him into the document shredder feet first.

Alok Sharma - practises karate in his office between Pornhub sessions while the people running his sportswear shop rob him blind.

Dominic Raab - regional sales director who never stays in the same hotel twice because of That Thing he does with the bed linen.

Priti Patel - tries to flirt to hand off work she can’t be arsed to do and still hasn’t remembered half the names of her colleagues in the contact centre she works in three days a week.

Liz Truss - runs the cafe in a leisure centre and still doesnt understand how sandwiches work.