This is the second time I& #39;ve applied to medical school, the second time I& #39;ve been unsuccessful, and the second time I& #39;ve received feedback that my work with people who use drugs is a problem.

I& #39;m not even mad that I didn& #39;t get in. Many don& #39;t. It& #39;s the why that crushes me.

And that& #39;s not the only thing. For several reasons beyond my control and a couple within my control (that I later corrected for), I had rocky undergrad grades for a couple years. This isn& #39;t a woe-is-me post, it& #39;s a wtf-why-aren& #39;t-PWUD-worth-our-time post.

Not talking about this part of my life in the essay feels wrong. Working w people who use drugs has changed me, fundamentally, for the better. It& #39;s taught me SO much, shown me what kind of person I want to be, & pointed me to a meaningful life. I don& #39;t want to hide that.

In sum, I’m probably going to apply again this year because it’s the last year my MCAT is valid. But it’ll be a tiny handful of places. Lmk if you have suggestions that might not be horrified by me.

I’m finishing my LCDC classwork and applying to MPH and MSPH programs, too.

Because in the end, my goal is much less “be a doctor” than it is “help people who are being stepped on”. Studying chemical dependency counseling and public health both add to that. If I never become an MD or DO but I spend my days helping ppl who are being stepped on, that’s ok.

I specifically want to be a physician because of their role in leadership. I’m definitely a health person. So if I want to be able to influence how people are cared for, who does the caring, and the way we direct $$ to programs, then being the leader is important.