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1/ It& #39;s time for a thread on falling in love with places, losing them, and the current forest fire in Chernobyl. This is a really hard one for me, so I apologize in advance if it& #39;s a bit sloppy or some swears work their way in. I& #39;m just really aching over it right now.
2/ A little background, I& #39;ve been leading photo workshops in abandoned places for the last 7 years. Last year, I was really excited to start doing overseas workshops. I went on a bunch of recon trips, including to Chernobyl, where I was scheduled to have 3 trips this year.
3/ Well, we all know how travel is going this year so that didn& #39;t prove to be the best game plan. Groups were postponed, and I was managing that as best I could. It& #39;s a scary time for everyone, and one little slice of horror for me is the business I spent so long to build.
4/ Not sure if you& #39;re aware but within the last week an enormous forest fire started in the Chernobyl area. It& #39;s so big you can see it from space. Right now it hasn& #39;t hit Pripyat, to my knowledge, but it has picked off some of the outer sites. https://earther.gizmodo.com/this-is-what-the-chernobyl-wildfires-look-like-from-spa-1842793250">https://earther.gizmodo.com/this-is-w...
5/ Funny thing, how sadness works. In an absolutely selfish way, I am feeling like what was previously a situation I thought I could manage is now entirely out of control, and I have no idea WTF to do about it. But this is a lot larger than me or my personal worries
6/ The fire is a catastrophe on multiple levels: historically, because the site is a monument to a very important disaster and the lives of the people who endured it. It& #39;s also a disaster economically, because Ukraine thrives on people visiting. Think what you will, that matters.
7/ Most importantly, it has the potential to be an environmental disaster. The radiation that& #39;s been stored in the foliage is being released & if the fire reaches the power plant, that would be really, really bad. So far it& #39;s comparatively okay but the fires aren& #39;t under control
8/ A lot of people are writing about that part much better than I can, but what I do know is the absolute heartache of seeing something you love destroyed, and the helplessness in the face of more potential destruction to come.
9/ Here& #39;s what I can speak to: part of my visit last year included Emerald Camp, a beautiful summer camp for Soviet kids. The forest around Chernobyl is really gorgeous, and it was one of my favorite places on the trip. It& #39;s gone now.
10/ Many of the buildings had really wonderful paintings of & #39;cartoon heroes& #39;, as my guide Misha @ChernobylGuide put it. Side note, you should follow him, he& #39;s a fantastic guy. Anyway, the thing these paintings really conveyed to me was the love that was put into the place.
11/ If you don& #39;t go to places like this, the concept of loving them may seem strange, but I assure you, it is real. I would argue that you can& #39;t take a moving image without loving a place. You share a bond with it, for a brief time, and it becomes a part of your heart.
12/ I loved the forest (except the spider webs). I loved the sweet paintings. I loved the light, the echoes of the care in the places, the intimate glimpse into something you just don& #39;t hear about or see much. I loved experiencing it unfiltered. It was a magical place.
13/ I couldn& #39;t wait to go back! I had so little time there, and I am very slow and methodical. I would have found every painting and taken a photo of each one, just for the record. In case of a fire. I didn& #39;t get to. I just ran through it and did a (in my opinion) halfass job.
14/ I could have done better with more time and I didn& #39;t have it. I know that. But it makes me so, so angry at myself anyway. I still feel like I should have. And I& #39;m angry at the person who started the fire. And just unendingly sad because it& #39;s such a stupid, senseless loss.
15/ It& #39;s not my place, I didn& #39;t own it - but in a way, nobody and everybody did. It was there for everyone to see and experience. I know it& #39;s so much worse for the people who knew it better like Misha, but it still physically hurts when I think about it.
16/ Places are a part of who we are. They help us form and retain memories - think of how revisiting a childhood haunt jars loose forgotten moments. When a place that meant something to you is erased, it erases a part of you. All you have now is a hole where they used to be.
17/ So anyway, if I seem more down than I normally am, this is partly why. I know there& #39;s a pandemic and people are losing loved ones, and this probably seems petty in comparison but it& #39;s something I& #39;m going through in addition to that, not instead of it.
18/ It& #39;s part of my job. All of these places I visit are on the edge of the abyss and you just watch them slide in, one by one. I work in the palliative care unit for buildings. I should be used to it but I never get there and it makes me sick to lose them every goddamn time.
19/ I am not really looking for well-meaning advice, and I have been at a loss for how to respond to people about it so I apologize for that. I& #39;m tired of pretending that grief is something that should be wiped out though. Sometimes you just have to live with it.
20/ We act like sorrow is a problem to be solved so we can go on our way having fixed it, but I don& #39;t think it works that way. Just like our joys, we carry it with us and it becomes part of who we are. You can& #39;t lose the sorrow without also losing the love for what is gone
21/ That& #39;s what I chose for myself, I guess: to be a collector of sorrows. Each photo is a little portal you can stare at them through, a window to a moment that was for me a joy because I feel at home in places where the hurt is out in the open.
22/ I hate to see them go. I& #39;d hate for this fire to claim more than it has. I mourn the loss for the people of Ukraine, and I hope with all my heart that this doesn& #39;t visit another horror on an area that was in small ways healing. An enchanting area, despite our misconceptions
23/ Well, I don& #39;t know what to do with any of this, so I& #39;m going to get back to my photo editing bc that& #39;s how I cope. I wish you all luck with your own struggles, there are a lot these days. If you want to see the gallery as it progresses, here& #39;s the link https://www.abandonedamerica.us/emerald-camp-chernobyl-ukraine">https://www.abandonedamerica.us/emerald-c...
24/ Final note, people are just now reporting that one of the famous kindergardens thought to be lost & the DUGA array/surrounding buildings did survive and the fire is managed, so until all of this is confirmed, let& #39;s keep our fingers crossed https://www.facebook.com/groups/chernobylexplorationgroup">https://www.facebook.com/groups/ch...
25/ Welp, the fire& #39;s out of control again and has jumped the river so I guess being hopeful was a bit premature
