I would like to gently call in progressives on how they’re talking about Tara Reade. Believing a survivor is not enough to have a survivor-supportive message. Here is a list of other victim-blaming comments to avoid.

“We have to take Tara Reade seriously now that she filed a criminal complaint.”

This comment suggest survivors who don’t report aren’t as honest or credible. There are many survivors who can’t or choose not to report whose traumas are equally as valid.

“Biden should be held accountable. What he did was way worse than other people.”

All types of sexual misconduct—including harassment and unwanted touching—can be just as traumatic as rape. There is no “worse.” It’s important not to minimize other survivors’ traumas.

“This is proof that #MeToo was just white feminism. All they wanted was attention.”

#MeToo was founded by a black feminist whose work you are erasing. And the idea that women “cry rape” for attention is a particularly harmful rape myth.

This one is also literally not believing other survivors who came forward during #MeToo . Regardless of the actions of some prominent media-appointed #MeToo figureheads, everyone else still deserves your support.

“Everyone who refuses to talk about this doesn’t support survivors.”

That’s absolutely true in some cases. But the other group particularly likely to avoid these conversations are survivors themselves who might find them triggering or otherwise upsetting.

Healing requires boundaries around how much traumatic content you take in. Don’t shame survivors for deciding that this is too much to handle right now. They don’t need the details or constant conversation to weigh all of this in their political decisions in November.

“If you really support survivors, you shouldn’t vote for Biden.”

The thing survivors need to heal is control. A truly trauma-informed approach means giving survivors all the information and letting them make their own decisions.

We often don’t agree with the decisions survivors make (like staying with an abusive partner or maintaining a friendship with their rapist), but they always have their own valid reasons for what they do. Anything else is just another threat toward a survivor’s autonomy.

Survivors know best what is safe for them. That applies to the way they manage trauma in their personal lives and how they vote in elections. Trust survivors.

There is an opportunity right now to have an important conversation about sexual violence—and based off of Tara Reade’s own statement, that’s what she wants. Drop the victim blaming and ask these important questions to support survivors:

Why was it so hard for Tara Reade to come forward 27 years ago? How do we make it easier for survivors to tell their stories, be believed, and get the support they deserve?

What do survivors need right now to feel supported? To feel like the system is just? This brings up survivors’ own traumas—what do they need both within and beyond the political system?

Why wasn’t Tara Reade’s original story of sexual harassment enough to merit concern? Why do we minimize and ignore sexual harassment?

What other stories have I been unwilling to hear? Can any of them be re-visited in an appropriate way? How can I be more open-minded about sexual harassment and assault allegations in the future?

What does accountability look like? What should have happened when Tara Reade filed her first complaint? What should happen now? What should happen in future situations like this one?

Are there other ways sexual violence are impacting this election? (As a start, I recommend reading up on sexual violence in ICE detainment camps and the Trump administration’s redefining of the domestic violence for asylum seekers.)

What are other ways I can support survivors? How do I let my loved ones know they can trust me? What do I say when someone discloses to me? How can I get involved in anti-violence work to benefit my own community?

This could be a really powerful moment for the left to deepen our support for survivors. Let’s seize that opportunity.