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Let’s talk about... Limits.
Often split into “hard” and “soft” groups, limits are how we explain to play partners the things we don’t like or want. As a general guide, soft limits are things we aren’t keen on, or things we might do occasionally, and hard limits are “hell no”.
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Often split into “hard” and “soft” groups, limits are how we explain to play partners the things we don’t like or want. As a general guide, soft limits are things we aren’t keen on, or things we might do occasionally, and hard limits are “hell no”.
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Think of hard limits as “I do not consent to this” and soft limits as “let’s talk it over first; but if I say no, I mean no”.
You can have anything at all as a limit- it’s your choice. Kissing could be a hard limit, penetration too. Totally up to you.
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Think of hard limits as “I do not consent to this” and soft limits as “let’s talk it over first; but if I say no, I mean no”.
You can have anything at all as a limit- it’s your choice. Kissing could be a hard limit, penetration too. Totally up to you.
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Limits are not something to be ignored, or used as a punishment. I’ve heard of “Doms” telling potential subs that they don’t allow limits, or that they will break limits as a punishment. This is NOT OK.
If a potential partner says that to you, find someone else.
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Limits are not something to be ignored, or used as a punishment. I’ve heard of “Doms” telling potential subs that they don’t allow limits, or that they will break limits as a punishment. This is NOT OK.
If a potential partner says that to you, find someone else.
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I’ve also heard of people saying “I don’t like you having that as a limit, so I’ll ignore it”. Same thing- NOT OK.
Hard limits = no consent.
Soft limits are things that someone might be ok with if it’s discussed first, so don’t go near them without talking it over.
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I’ve also heard of people saying “I don’t like you having that as a limit, so I’ll ignore it”. Same thing- NOT OK.
Hard limits = no consent.
Soft limits are things that someone might be ok with if it’s discussed first, so don’t go near them without talking it over.
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How do we communicate our limits?
When meeting potential playmates, we often swap “kink lists” - a list of various kinks that we do or don’t like. These are a good way of saying “I like this/don’t like this/never do this”.
It’s a good idea to rethink your limits over time...
How do we communicate our limits?
When meeting potential playmates, we often swap “kink lists” - a list of various kinks that we do or don’t like. These are a good way of saying “I like this/don’t like this/never do this”.
It’s a good idea to rethink your limits over time...
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...as your experience and tastes change. Initially you might not like anal play or water sports, perhaps, but after a while you might decide that they’re more of a soft limit than a hard one. That’s fine, your choice. Just make sure you let partners know.
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...as your experience and tastes change. Initially you might not like anal play or water sports, perhaps, but after a while you might decide that they’re more of a soft limit than a hard one. That’s fine, your choice. Just make sure you let partners know.
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Or, of course, you might decide that whipping isn’t for you any more- totally fine to make that a limit. Remember to let people know.
What’s not ok is to try and pressure someone into changing their limits. That’s small dick energy.
Or, of course, you might decide that whipping isn’t for you any more- totally fine to make that a limit. Remember to let people know.
What’s not ok is to try and pressure someone into changing their limits. That’s small dick energy.
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What does “pushing limits” mean?
Usually this is referring soft limits, such as “Light spanking only”; someone with that limit might consent to trying heavier spanking during a session to see how they handle it.
Again, discuss things first before pushing a limit.
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What does “pushing limits” mean?
Usually this is referring soft limits, such as “Light spanking only”; someone with that limit might consent to trying heavier spanking during a session to see how they handle it.
Again, discuss things first before pushing a limit.
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So to recap:
Your limits are YOUR choice, no-one else’s.
Hard limits: Hell no, no consent for this.
Soft limits: Discuss first, otherwise no consent.
DO respect other people’s limits.
DON’T use them as punishments or wilfully ignore them.
So to recap:
Your limits are YOUR choice, no-one else’s.
Hard limits: Hell no, no consent for this.
Soft limits: Discuss first, otherwise no consent.
DO respect other people’s limits.
DON’T use them as punishments or wilfully ignore them.
