What follows is a short thread about 1 reason quarantine wears on me as a parent & strong introvert—Not only may your mileage vary, you may be operating on an entirely different fuel standard or system of linear measurement—this’ll be solipsistic & should be ignored if unhelpful

The circle of my regular life is honestly not that much larger than my life right now—I have work & come home for family time—I indulge a few hobbies once or twice a week—climbing & band practice—but honestly it’s a tighter radius than I’d perhaps like to admit

But I’m a strong introvert—I need a few hours solitude every day or I feel exhausted—it’s 1 reason I climb, often solo in the gym, at night right before bed—but I also get some needed solitude at work—& here I acknowledge the great privilege of a job with an office & office door

I’m terrible at small talk & terrified by cocktail parties—folks think I’m an asshole because I stare at the wall rather than talking to them—assume I think I’m better than them when I’m running scenarios in my head about what to say—also I may be an asshole but for other reasons

So quarantine—I see all the memes about how it’s introverts’ time to shine—“I’ve been training my whole life for this”—& I feel that but if you’re parenting it’s not that at all—it’s being with folks all the time—folks you love but it’s still a constant performance of sociality

Because I love my kids I put extra pressure on myself to be present—it’s not their fault we’re all stuck together & I want them to feel loved & safe—& I really have valued riding our bikes & playing games & goofing off together—but I’m sooo tired

I’ve been staying up way too late to recharge the introvert batteries—staying up for hours after they go to bed—that helps for a minute but then I don’t get enough sleep & we’re all up the next morning & I’m tired & grumpy—I know it’s a bad cycle but who can break bad habits now?

Our house has never felt so small—today I feel rotten—psychically not physically—I just want to play video games alone all day but it’s gorgeous out & there are household things that need doing & I need to model adulting for the kids—and so I’m tweet whining before I back to it

That’s all. That’s the rant. I’m sorry—I know we are immensely privileged to have a house & healthy family & jobs we can work remotely—these are tiny, selfish complaints in an incredibly trying time—but I’m feeling it today & has to vent. We now return to our regular programming

a late addition to this thread—one thing that terrifies me about teaching in this moment—I keep hearing that students need non-class related interaction but my same introversion means I'm *terrible* at classroom chatter & small talk. It makes me as anxious as a cocktail party