It's been 1 yr since Corden. Funny story:

My close friend was having his bachelor party in Portland in April 4 months after I moved to LA. I didn't have money cuz of the move, but I was gonna do what I needed to get there. Then, I found out I booked Corden. Hell yea. Love Corden

I thought "Perfect. I'll book a door deal headline gig in Portland at the start of the bachelor party, promote it on Corden, & then use that money to pay for the trip"

Plan set. I hit up @UncleCait for recs for Portland venues and she kindly points me in the right direction.

I email the booker, and she gets back to me and she lays out the door split with a $250 minimum. I say great. No matter what I'll make $250 and that at least covers my flight there. I had gigs set up after where I know I'll make money, so I'm def good. I'm really excited.

This would be my first time having the host of a late night show promote a specific gig, so I make sure to negotiate a sell-out bonus. She agrees and we pick a date. April 23. My birthday. Hell yea. I'm so pumped. LETS GO. I tell my boy I'll def be there and everyone is amped

I do Corden & honestly it went better than anticipated. I was in the zone. Not to pat myself on the back, but the set timed out at 5 on the dot leading up to the show, but ended up 6:30 because of audience reaction. They decide to air the whole thing. No cuts. I'm over the moon

"This Portland show is about to be nuts" I think to myself. I say "fuck it" and buy a new pair of sneakers to celebrate. The show is a week after Corden airs and as it's getting closer, the booker is emailing me about light tickets. "No biggie" I think. We'll figure it out.

I reach out to @IanKarmel , @shanetorres , & @amymiller & shamefully ask if they wouldn't mind tweeting about the show. They're very kind and say "no prob". 3 Portland legends with their reach in my corner? We're good. Plus Ian works at Corden so there's an extra vouche there

They blast it out and I'm chillin in my new sneakers ready to go. Plus we add current Portland crushers @BeckyFromAlaska & @MohanadElshieky to the bill so at this point, the show is like the Titanic: Unsinkable. My birthday arrives and I fly to Portland filled with excitement.

I meet my childhood friend and his wife and brother that live there for dinner. They're coming to the show, so I tell them we should probably head over to the venue a little early so they can be guaranteed to get seats. They agree and we head over. I walk in and am greeted warmly

"How we lookin?" I ask. "Still light" she says. "But we'll probably get walk-ups" she says. "This is Portland." "Hell yea we will. Portland comedy royalty tweeted about this shit" so I go back to the green room to greet Becky & Mohanad. I keep peaking at the crowd. Still light

"Wanna hold for 15?" "Yup." 15 passes and we're still light. We have to start. We have 16 people in a 150 person space. We do the show. I'm fighting the urge to be totally defeated. I am, I'm not too proud to admit, devastated and humiliated. Of the 16 audience members, I know 12

We do the show and it's actually fun all things considered. Afterward I'm talking to my buddy and he goes "we were gonna go to this bar. Wanna come?" "Sure. Let me go get paid" so I walk over to the booth and approach the booker. I say "hey sorry we didn't have a bigger turnout"

She goes "me too." I say "about payment..." she goes "yea we only had 16 @ $10 a head which means you technically owe me $90, but don't worry about it. It's your birthday" and THAT'S when I learned a minimum and a guarantee are different things. I almost cried on the spot

I walk out in my new now even more expensive sneakers defeated. Does nothing MEAN anything? As I'm walking to meet my friends, I hear an explosion. I swear I felt the city thump. "What the...?" And I duck in to a nearby bar to investigate only to see this face looking at me

My show was happening during game 7 when Dame blew up the OKC Thunder with a single shot & waved goodbye (also to my inflated ego). Moral of the story: the comedy gods will always keep you humble, don't count your money til it's cash, and Dame is the one true King of Portland

This was all one year ago and my Corden set is still my pinned tweet. I'm still proud of it and I WILL BE BACK PROTLAND. THIS TIME IT'LL BE MY TURN TO MAKE THE CITY THUMP #tbt