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1/? This thread is great in general, but I wanna specifically highlight this tweet because this is why I think such a disproportionate number of transmeds/truscum are trans men.
It's LONG and I'm gonna be using anecdotal evidence here and personal experiences but hear me out: https://twitter.com/trans_catboy/status/1248715575934644224
It's LONG and I'm gonna be using anecdotal evidence here and personal experiences but hear me out: https://twitter.com/trans_catboy/status/1248715575934644224
Content Warnings For This Thread:
- Transphobia, external and internalized
- Sexual trauma
- Internalized homophobia
- Transphobia, external and internalized
- Sexual trauma
- Internalized homophobia
2/? I came out as nb when I was about 15~ish a little while after I started dating my ex and after being around non-cis/LGBT spaces since I was 13.
I was a very stereotypical uwu dyed hair 2013 Tumblr politics Superwholock Homestuck enby 15 y/o in every possible way.
I was a very stereotypical uwu dyed hair 2013 Tumblr politics Superwholock Homestuck enby 15 y/o in every possible way.
3/? *Sidebar/Preface*
W/o details: I'm mostly fine now and this ex and I are pretty chill as of very recently, they were also struggling with their gender and sexuality and that explains a lot of the way that I was treated in our relationship.
W/o details: I'm mostly fine now and this ex and I are pretty chill as of very recently, they were also struggling with their gender and sexuality and that explains a lot of the way that I was treated in our relationship.
4/? I also feel like it's incredibly important for me to mention that my ex and I are the same age, we were both 15 when we started dating and 16 when we broke up bc that completely shapes the relationship dynamic and my feelings towards them now.
*Sidebar/Preface over*
*Sidebar/Preface over*
5/? We were together for a little over a year and that relationship/break up left me with a lot of internalized transphobia.
Feeling like I needed to be feminine/detached from manhood in order to be lovable as a dfab trans person, and a lot of bad feelings about sex/dysphoria.
Feeling like I needed to be feminine/detached from manhood in order to be lovable as a dfab trans person, and a lot of bad feelings about sex/dysphoria.
6/? I felt a lot of resentment towards a LOT of Tumblr LGBT communities in general, especially the tucute community, bc in my mind the things that I'd been told in those places had lead me to situations where I was vulnerable and taken advantage of.
7/? Very mixed confusing messages about what gender dysphoria actually WAS from the tucute community combined with some bad ideas about sex from the 2014 ace community that made navigating sex and dysphoria incredibly difficult really fucked with baby 14-16 y/o gay trans Michael.
8/? After that relationship tucute ideas on gender just weren't really cutting it for me anymore honestly? I'd lost a lot of faith in that kind of gender theory.
Plus, the people online who were there for me the most back then were a couple of 17-19 y/o transmeds.
Plus, the people online who were there for me the most back then were a couple of 17-19 y/o transmeds.
9/? Those transmeds helped me put words to my dysphoria vs my trauma, they gave me resources to read up on the effects of T and websites where I could see people's top surgery results and look for doctors in my area.
I was still really insecure but I had people who understood.
I was still really insecure but I had people who understood.
10/? By this point I was about 17 and fully out as a trans man. I was a few months out of that relationship and a few months into a new relationship with my current boyfriend.
11/? I also at this point had (still have) a LOT of issues with my mom bc I could tell she really wanted me to come out as a wlw.
When I came out to her when I turned 18 and the first thing she said to me was:
"I don't see it"
When I came out to her when I turned 18 and the first thing she said to me was:
"I don't see it"
11.5/? Important to note: I am gay, I like men.
Throughout all of this I'm also struggling with being gay bc of my mom's bs and also "can binary trans people even BE gay?" and just generally having a major sexuality crisis bc of dysphoria and trauma.
Throughout all of this I'm also struggling with being gay bc of my mom's bs and also "can binary trans people even BE gay?" and just generally having a major sexuality crisis bc of dysphoria and trauma.
12/? So for about 3 years, from about 15-18 I was struggling with my identity and pretty often was ignored or denied or I was explicitly hurt bc of it.
I had a growing resentment towards the way I was being treated for being a binary trans man by those around me.
I had a growing resentment towards the way I was being treated for being a binary trans man by those around me.
13/? During all of that though the truscum/transmed community had my back. I felt really safe talking to other transmeds and the things they were saying made complete sense to me.
14/? I was terrified of people assuming that my transness was directly related to my sexual trauma and not dysphoria despite me experiencing dysphoria before being with my ex, but if I could say "No, I was just born this way, that's why medical treatment works!" I felt safer.
15/? When I was 18-20 I would've outright said "yeah I'm a transmed" if you had asked me. I was pre-T, very isolated bc I was (and still am) the only trans person I know on my campus, and my freshman year of college the only person I really talked to was my bf.
16/? I was insecure, I was isolated, I was lonely. Now ven into my senior year I still haven't met any openly non-cis people on campus.
I wanted to be The Good Trans Person and kind of suck up to some of the cis people I knew at school to feel like I fit in with them.
I wanted to be The Good Trans Person and kind of suck up to some of the cis people I knew at school to feel like I fit in with them.
17/? That is what pushed me farther into transmed ideology tbh, bc the community now isn't about sharing medical resources anymore it's about sucking up to cis people and it's GREAT at it. I had a huge toolbox at my disposal to kiss cis ass and hate myself for it.
18/? I'm 22 now and really distant from the community now but even though my experiences are very specific, I feel like many transmeds can empathize with parts of what I went through.
Insecurity and internalized transphobia are really common in trans mascs, especially trans men.
Insecurity and internalized transphobia are really common in trans mascs, especially trans men.
19/? Transmedicalism is an outlet for those internalized issues. It's an unhealthy outlet but transmedicalism is full of struggling trans men, so of course struggling trans men who feel isolated are going to seek out other struggling trans men.
Rinse and repeat the cycle.
Rinse and repeat the cycle.
20/? Insecure and hurt people hurt people and that's what transmeds are doing. I know because I used to be a hurt trans man hurting other trans people bc of my own insecurities.
I have friends from that time who would tell you they were the same too, we came out of it together.
I have friends from that time who would tell you they were the same too, we came out of it together.
21/? I still have my own opinions but I prefer to try and just not give a public shit about gender discourse anymore bc it's just exhausting for me now, but I feel a lot of empathy and understanding for people on both "sides" of the arguments bc I was once on both sides.
22/22 But yeah, those are just my thoughts as a former tucute AND a former transmed on how trauma and insecurity leads to the large number of trans men in the transmed community.
I'm really ending this cause I'm gonna run out if tweets but thanks for reading if you got this far!
I'm really ending this cause I'm gonna run out if tweets but thanks for reading if you got this far!
