Wow I’m thinking of all the times I was seriously taken advantage of/raped and I’m spiraling

Like I didn’t realize that a 21 year old getting a 15 year old so drunk she couldn’t stand or consent was assault, I thought that shit was normal ??????? What the hell????

Probably 90% of my sexual encounters from the ages of 15-20 were me being 100% blacked out or high from being fed alcohol or drugs from an older dude and I really saw nothing wrong with it. I felt gross after I found out sex happened but I always thought it was my fault

But honestly who is more to blame, the teenager who got too drunk or the grown man who stayed sober while he fed liquor and drugs to a teenage girl in the intent to have sexual with her

I’m done being ashamed of this and feeling like I am dirty for my past. It’s gross to realize how many of my sexual encounters were 100% predatory and non consensual which really explains my attitude towards sex now lol