RANDOM THOUGHT [THREAD]

"Akala ko magaling na ako. Marunong lang pala."

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

Ngunit kung naniniwala tayong bawat isa sa atin ay naiiba, bakit–

–kailangang maniwala sa konsepto ng paghahambing sa kung sino ang mas magaling kaysa sa isa batay sa mga pamantayang ginawa ng tao na ibinatay naman sa kanilang mga pananaw?

Until now, I still question myself if I'll be a CPA, if I can still write well, if my hardwork will–

–really pay off. Some would say, great things come for those who wait. But until when? I cannot blame myself if I get jealous to my former classmates. They already became the persons they wanted to be since they were young. They have achieved some in their bucketlists. They–

–landed into the jobs that they wanted to get. But me? I'm still here: a mere "palamunin" ng magulang.

Minsan natatanong ko rin sa sarili ko: Saan ako nagkulang? May mabigat na kasalanan ba akong nagawa sa mundo? Why am I not as "blessed"/"privileged" as my fellow?–

–Parang pareho lang naman kaming dinasal sa Kanya ah. Pero bakit natugunan na ang kanilang kailangan? Bakit hindi pa rin ako marapat na magkaroon ng kahit kumpiyansa lang sa sarili? Ako na itong na-extend sa UP. Ako na itong walang Latin honors. At iba pa.–

–Since college, I had a lot of insecurities to my fellow students. I just say "Wow" to those students who were able to join conferences, competitions, conventions, etc. They became assets of the school. But I knew I'm capable to become such. But where should I get money to–

–spend for it? Wala eh. Mapapa-sana ol ka na lang sa ila. Ma-amaze ka and, at the same time, mahisa. Kag magtuon na lang ako balik.

I'm not optimistic but I'm hopeful especially during CPALE Oct 2019. Pero wala e. My self-esteem went down exponentially. Again!–

It's almost half a year since CPALE Oct 2019. I thought I had moved forward but the bitterness, the pain, are starting to haunt me again.

When I didn't find my name in the list of passers last Oct. 21, my immediate response was to cry silently every night for two weeks.–

–Despite questioning my abilities, I just said "All will be alright in time."

Abi ko sa CPALE lang ako masakitan.

Before coming home in Iloilo, one company asked me if I'm interested to be part thereof. I got elated. I submitted my application and they told me to see–

–them for an interview in Makati.

While riding a UV Expreas bound for Makati, they reminded me of that day's interview. I responded quickly that I'm coming. Suddenly, thru text msg, they asked me if I'm a CPA. Of course, I have to be honest. I said no.–

–They turned me down right away because they need a CPA. Dumating ako sa Makati na laylay ang balikat. Wala namang gumawa pero parang hapong-hapo ako sa hinayang. Nasasaktan at awang-awa sa sarili. On that day, I asked myself, "Diin na gid man bala pakadto ang akon kabuhi?"–

–I started reviewing again for May 2020 CPALE here in Iloilo. I applied for two teaching posts but no one responded. One Makati-based company convinced me to join them starting Jan. 2020 because there's a vacancy for non-CPAs. I have left with no choice but to turn it down–

–because I'm now enrolled in IRS.

I now raised another question, "Ngaa daw ginahampangan ako ya sang kalibutan?"

Am I destined to be a CPA?
Am I destined to become a lawyer?
Will people appreciate the articles, the stories I write?

And a lot more.–

–I just wish that, one day, I'll go back to this thread, retweet it, and tell everyone, "Sorry for my whining. I'm now okay. Thank you for believing in me.

But for now, Happy Easter everyone! ###