here, have a thread of me analyzing my own song, "The God Abandons Antony (New Idiot)"

it's about my boyfriend, from when I loved him and he didn't love me yet. It's also an extended reference to the poem "The God Abandons Antony" by C.P. Cavafy. https://flynngermain.bandcamp.com/track/the-god-abandons-antony-new-idiot

I'm in good company; in writing this thread I found out Leonard Cohen also wrote a song based on this poem! "Alexandria Leaving." This keeps happening with me and Leonard, the chump.

Cavafy is probably my favorite poet- queer and mythical and devastating and funny. If you haven't read him you should, but check out a couple translations to figure out who you vibe with more.

the original poem is, to my mind, about accepting a loss nobly. this song is about refusing to give up, like an idiot, and telling everyone about it.

"When suddenly, at midnight, you hear an invisible procession going by with exquisite music, voices, don't mourn your failing luck."

becomes

"If at night you reel from the big reveal, it's hitting you bad / I guess I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in the absent fear"

this was a garbage period of my life where I spent a LOT of time trying to ignore the very loud intuition that was telling me I would end up with this guy. It really, really sucked.

I think I've written ten or twenty songs with "I'd rather be dead" as a line, which feels like a lot, but I don't play most of them 'cause they aren't all that great! Line recycling is fun.

note in the chorus that my relationship with my partner, then close friend and FWB and unrequited love, was Not Good For Either Of Us. I knew I was acting terribly, but I couldn't stop myself, and I was embarrassed about it!

the split infinitive line is cribbed from someone talking about Star Trek, IIRC. "to boldly split infinitives..."

this song is pretty geographical- "alexandria," "foreign place" vs "here," "locals," "cave"

the cave is Plato's. pulling someone back into the cave, out of the light, even though you know that's what you're doing. obstinacy, illusion. and trying to tell everyone around you that it's actually a great idea to regress

"I'm devolving into an elephant, unforgetting that when I try again I feel numb from the lack of resources i coulda used better then"

There's a lot of inverting or undoing here- going back into the cave, devolving, unforgetting, lack, the past.

I've made elephantine references before see "Performative" off the album "And Now I Own A Knife.

I dunno what it is about elephants! http://flynngermain.bandcamp.com/track/performative

"I just wanted to be oblivious, make a shitty decision, live with it, come apart like a nesting doll full of all of your elements"

Rarely have I been prouder of the sound of a line. "doll-full-all-your-el" is this weird internal quintuple rhyme and i just love it.

"I'm aware that I'm acting full of it, but with you I become unlimited"

some sweetness to remind you why I'm wrecking everything

"Alexandria, all I want is to be your new idiot."

If you're gonna be an idiot, it's good to be someone's.

(apologies to my friend alexandria who the song is not about)

this is a live version; during the recording of this album, I was high. For some reason anything that ups my serotonin improves my singing voice AND guitar playing drastically- I imagine it's partly confidence, but there's also something I can feel happening in my throat.

I can't figure out how to play the song like this and it's driving me Bonkers. Current attempts on electric are Promising. might add some drums?

that's all the commentary I have for now! Thanks for coming to my TED talk- please read Cavafy and listen to my music: http://flynngermain.bandcamp.com