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A message to K.D ~ a thread
It& #39;s been several months since naghiwalay tayo. I must admit na sumasagi ka parin sa isip ko from time to time. I also check your social media accounts from time to time just to check kung okay ka.
Hindi pala from time to time. Madalas.
I know. Dapat hindi ko na ginagawa kasi ex ka na. I already burned the bridge between us. Ikaw yung isa sa mga tao na ayaw kong makita pero deep inside, hinahanap kita sa kahit saan ako mapunta. May it be a crowded place, or somewhere na madalas nating puntahan nun.
I must admit na may konting sakit pa. Masakit din naman kasi yung ginawa mo. You made me believe that you loved me. That I mean the world to you. Yun pala, may taong mas higit pa sakin. Yung part ng past mo na kahit kailan hindi ko nahigitan.
I blamed you. I even cursed you. Sinaktan ka na nya noon and yet bumalik ka pa rin sa kanya. I treated you better. I loved you. Yung deserve na deserve mong pagmamahal kasi alam ko na never pinaramdam sayo yun ng mga taong dumaan sayo.
Pero kahit galit na galit ako sayo nun di kita masisi. Kasi alam ko yung pakiramdam ng love. The love that defies all odds. Titiisin lahat ng sakit. Love is forgiving. Love is kind.
But I was hurt. You inflicted the pain I didn& #39;t imagine that you can do. And so, I was blinded by my hate. Isinumpa kita, and the only way to ease this pain is to make you feel the same pain that you did.
Pero eventually, narealize ko na di ko na kailangan maramdaman to. I had to free myself from the pain. From you. Pinatawad kita. I did it for myself. I left you a message after new year in which you responded. But just so you know, I meant what I said. I& #39;m sorry.
I& #39;m sorry kasi nasaktan din kita. I know that those words somehow left a mark in you.
Pero ayun, nagmove on na rin ako. I shifted my focus on my family, friends, and career. I even made time for my siblings na dati kong hindi nagagawa. Most importantly, I had time for myself. I read books, watch movies, play games, eat a lot, splurge, etc. I even dated.
Pero at the back of my mind, naiisip ko yung mga what ifs, and what could& #39;ve been. Naisip ko rin yung mga shortcomings ko sayo noon.
Siguro kung sinabayan kita sa mga hilig mong gawin, siguro kung hindi tayo nag aaway lagi, siguro kung nakapagtravel pa tayo ng madalas, baka mas naging masaya ka sa akin. Baka sana nakalimutan mo na sya ng tuluyan.
Pero ang importante masaya ka. Masaya ka sa kanya eh. Who am I to meddle with that?
Mahal na mahal kita. Gusto kong bawiin ka sa kanya. Pero mahal mo sya.
Kahit alam ko, at ramdam ko na hindi ka nya mamahalin katulad ng pagmamahal ko, hinayaan kita. Kasi masayang masaya ka sa kanya.
Pero nalungkot ako nung nagpost ka ng milestones from your last year. Pinost mo yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buhay mo. Including the time you were with him.
I just thought. During your last year, where was I? What was I to you? Pero naisip ko di naman na importante na isipin ko pa yun. Nakalimutan mo na ko. Kaya it& #39;s best to move forward.
Pero di parin ako nagpapigil. Silently, I still look into your social media. Kinukumusta ka. Tinitignan kung okay ka. Kahit hindi necessary, kahit hindi naman dapat. Pero I still do it.
Until one day, you posted a photo of you. Kitang kita sa mga mata mo na malungkot ka. I felt that something is wrong.
Until the day came. You posted a thread of what happened.
You are hurting. And alam ko na triple yung nararamdaman mong sakif ngayon.
What goes around comes around. Pero am I happy? Am I satisfied? Hindi. Malungkot ako. It& #39;s the third day since you posted the thread pero apektadong apektado parin ako sa nangyayari sayo.
It hurts me to see you like that. It hurts to see you in pain.
Gusto kitang i-message. I& #39;m wondering kung may nakakausap ka ba sa mga oras na to. Gusto kitang damayan. Pero hindi pwede kasi hindi dapat.
