rereading old favorites has reminded me why i love books so much. it gives me a chance to get out of my own mind, to get away from the thoughts that never shut up. i can spend time thinking abt other people's worries, abt their feelings and how they could handle their situations.

idk if it can be likened to running away from my problems. honestly, idc. if anything, reading gives a chance to take a breath away from the stuff that fucks me up most of the time. it's not forever. it's just enough time to get enough strength to deal with real life shit again.

also, books usually have resolved endings. it gives me a sense of peace to read abt conclusions to stories bc it's a reminder that no matter how bad things get, things always find a way to end.

as someone who's been chasing endings her whole life, that's really calming. not even necessarily endings, more like resolutions. a final way of making sense of lots of random happenings strung together. kind of like a security blanket over everything that's happened in my life.

i used to zoom through books. even now, i can finish them pretty quickly. i think it might be a reflection of how i always looked for the end, a way to solve the problems that bubble up in the middle. ofc over time, i loved the stories too, but endings will always be my favorite.

that's why books are so enchanting to me, bc i have no idea what my end holds. idk when it's coming, what it's gonna be like. idk anything. at least w a book, i can hold it in my hand. ik when the pages are gonna run out. ik that the story will resolve, one way or another.

writers and authors are amazing, too. they find ways to make real the shit i think in my head and feel in my heart. they put them into words and beautiful, carefully crafted sentences. they make me feel like i'm not alone in the heavy thoughts i have all the time.

hay, idk. all i'm sure of is wnvr i have the time, i'll always have my hands reaching out for a good book. to be curled up in bed, leafing through the pages, writing my favorite lines in the corners, and reading to my heart's content: that's what being at peace feels like for me.