What I learnt from my brief glimpses of the Twitter this week:

1. Canada's adopted a new official credo. "Errare humanum est, quod loquuntur moistly frowned super" [To err is human, to speak moistly is frowned upon.]
2. According to Conrad Black and Robert Fife, they know a lot.
3. Premier photo opps don't help flatten the curve
4. To avoid contracting COVID, make buffalo sounds
5. Scheer objects to idea of virtual parliament, arguing it's impossible to high five Pierre on Zoom.
6. Doug is livid that the Ford government isn't testing anywhere near enough
7. Kenney replaces Super Doctor and provides 90-minute pandemic update, focusing on "flattening the solar power curve," "self-isolating provincial sales tax" and physical distancing from Confederation."
8. Scheer tweets about Jesus. CPC supporters reply: "Non-confidence vote!"
9. Batters's tweeting about Lavscam again. Proving she knows exactly how to physically distance herself from current events
10. Shandro practices social distancing by substituting his house call threats with late-night phone threats
11. Brett Wilson is livid about the COVID Tax!
12. Doug promises the number of COVID tests in Ontario next week will at least match the number of photo opps of him picking up masks
13. With the national pandemic models released, Scheer says they're useless because they don't include any memes.
14. Wednesday is the new Friday.
15. A letter from MacKay team states "Conservatives have always overcome diversity." Asked for comment, MacKay's Comms Manager's email response: "Mr. MacClay is busy with leadership camping. He is not available to cement."
16. Boris recovered. Says he's "now totally COVID-proof!"
17. Lecce promises 2500 Ottawa parents they won't get parking tickets for pulling into their schools' parking lots to access wifi for elearning. Lecce says, "Kids belong in cars - learning!"
18. Trump says summer weather will cure COVID. Pence buys sun-tanning beds for entire GOP
19. Trying to help Jason recover from his massive O&G losses, Kenney's bestie makes him Shopify's newest part-time Junior Business Development Rep
20. Wexiters cash ERB cheques before leaving in protest.
21. Kenney says the best way for Alberta to beat COVID is to herd together.
22. Andrew "helps Canadians get the help they need!" by slowing everything down.
23. Rempel says COVID proves relevance of the Buffalo Declaration. *cricket sounds*
24. If Poilievre were in charge he'd complain about Poilievre.
25. Say it, don't spray it.
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