So, I must confess that I dislike the majority of Indian/bollywood films I have ever watched - they seem a little too lengthy, very cheesy, overly dramatic. Some of them I have watched are good, mind. Overall, I'm not a fan - just my opinion. However...

However, my wife has convinced me to join in her in watching a three-hour Hindi 'classic' Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. She loves Indian films. I'm going to do a Twitter thread as I watch this, not that anybody cares! (Note: I may take breaks or give up entirely). #KuchKuchHotaHai @iamsrk

Here we go. It's on @NetflixUK if anybody is interested. Cousins have joined us via @zoom_us, too. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Shah Rukh Khan is 'Rahul' in the film. Okay, got it. He's crying at a funeral in the first scene. Now we go back in time and his wife is critical in hospital. More tears in this scene. Side note: Picture quality is fair decent for a film from 1998. @iamsrk #KuchKuchHotaHai

Eight years and we see Rahul with his young daughter. Mum obviously didn't make it. Scene is set. My Hindi is okay, but by no means fluent. Thankful for English subtitles. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Rahul's daughter, Anjali, is in a competition at school. She was given a random topic to discuss to her audience of peers, teachers and parents. The topic: her mum. Awks. Violins play. I think we may have a few more tears from the cast, soon... #KuchKuchHotaHai

Rahul runs to his upset and confused daughter's rescue. He highlights the importance of a mother. The audience applaud. Powerful scene. #KuchKuchHotaHai #Maa

New scene: Anjali wakes up and it's her birthday. She rushes to open a pre-written note her mother left her. She apparently wrote eight letters before she died, one for Anjali to open each year on her birthday. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Next scene: there's a cheesy romantic scene coming showing how Rahul and his wife (can't remember her name) got together. Okay, now they're playing basketball. Of course they are. #KuchKuchHotaHai

There's some really awful music playing and some really OTT acting. Sorry. It's not great here. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Correction: we are on a WhatsApp video call with cousins, not using Zoom. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Rahul ( @iamsrk) is wearing a GAP hoodie. Very late 90s fashion. Nice. Nostalgic. The dance moves and running across the beach scenes. These are pretty bad: oh dear. #KuchKuchHotaHai

I am very much enjoying reading the English subtitles to the Hindi songs. Hilarious. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Rafit Bi: "Girls talk too much." Not sure this quote would be used in today's world. Hilarious all the same. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Miss Braganza is a teacher. Mr Malhotra is the principal. Miss Braganza is flirting with pupils in the lead up to talking with Malhotra. This is a huge safeguarding issue and certainly a child protection issue that should be reported. #KuchKuchHotaHai

We find out Tina is the principal's daughter. But let's take a moment to appreciate this shirt. It was cool, until I spotted the 'COOL' chain around his neck. Ruined it. #KuchKuchHotaHai

I am very much confusing Tina and Anjali. Doesn't matter: I'm sure it will become clear. Wife has paused the movie to quickly bring me up to speed. Anjali is Rahul's best mate. Tina is the Londoner and principal's daughter. Got it. Play. #KuchKuchHotaHai

There seems to be a 'gang' scene. Lots of clicking of fingers. I have noticed lots of @pepsi logos/product placement thus far. Money to be made here. #KuchKuchHotaHai #Marketing #Advertising

Rahul's attire is something else. @iamsrk is sporting a bold orange @speedo top. Watch out @NarcosNetflix, bollywood did it first. Well, they tried. Not sure about a top that zips up at the stomach. Ambitious, nevertheless. He's still rocking that un'COOL' chain. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Random thought: I would love to have Lord Attenborough to read out this thread. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Okay, there's a scene at their school where they (Rahul, Anjali and Tina) have stepped up to perform when a band didn't show up. Literally, they (Bollywood directors) look for any excuse for a singalong/dance scene. Bit cringy here. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Now there's random people running around playing trumpets and holding balloons. Oh wow. Every single one of the audience has learnt this dance routine in a split second and they are all synchronised. What are the odds? Talent right here (!) #KuchKuchHotaHai

The song and dance number had a point to play, though. Anjali, who confusingly shares the same name as Rahul and Tina's 'future' daughter, thinks Rahul likes her. It's a soppy, romantic film. I have accepted that. I have committed and will get through this! #KuchKuchHotaHai

Rahul is praying at a temple - he seems a decent enough and grounded bloke. I think we're really supposed to like him and feel everything he goes through. Cool. He says that his dad once told him that he must bow to the following women: Durga Maa (mataji/goddess), mother and...

...and, although Rahul avoids admitting it, a partner. He bows down to Tina. It would have been a powerful scene - but he gave Tina an awkward wink first. Cringe. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Shoutout to the directors of this film for referencing Durga Maa and, in doing so, paying homage to Sanatan Dharma. Good to see Bollywood doing their bit to positively promote Mataji/goddess. #SanatanDharma #KuchKuchHotaHai

Along with @pepsi, there have been a number of appearances from Polo and GAP. A few hats and tops of both have featured. #KuchKuchHotaHai

There's a dream going on. Not sure who is dreaming here. Another dance number. I know this song: I think it plays at every Indian wedding when we are queuing up and waiting for the photographer to take photos at the end. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Not to be outdone, Anjali rocks up in a bright pink and orange number. I recognise the colour palette for the clothing in this film: I reckon they chose these colours from a set of highlighter pens - different gravy. A little more 80s than 90s, for me. #KuchKuchHotaHai

In keeping with the product placement/advertising in this film, my movie snack is brought to you by @Tesco. Actually, my wife brought them to me. Anyway, it's a packet of their own-brand onion rings. Would it be rude of me to say this is the best bit of entertainment so far?

The crisps are suitable for vegans, if anybody is interesting. I suspect nobody has read this far down the thread. Nevermind, I'll carry on waffling for my own amusement...

Rahul has been practicing saying 'I love you' to Anjali, because he wanted to really say it to Tina. He didn't tell Aljali this first. What an idiot. I thought we were supposed to like him? #KuchKuchHotaHai

Anjali wants to leave. She wants see her dad, who is unwell, but is also embarrassed. More tears. There were a few dances and stuff that went on before. I forgot to mention that. I switched off. #KuchKuchHotaHai

@Vee_Suchak has just reminded me that this entire story is in that letter little Anjali (the daughter) read on her birthday. I completely forgot. Oh, as I type, we go forward to little Anjali reading her note. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Tina's letter is asking her daughter (little Anjali) to bring older Anjali into the picture with Rahul. As she was dying, Tina wrote that she wanted Rahul to be happy after she was gone. She confessed that Rahul-Anjali is real love. Cool. #KuchKuchHotaHai

The Neelam Show. I prefer Koffee with Karan. @karanjohar #KuchKuchHotaHai

I lost track of time and asked my wife "how long left?" I assumed the story was wrapping up. Girl reads letter. Girl finds out mum's dying wish. Girl fulfils it. You'd think that's done and dusted, right? No. I've just been told we're just halfway through. #KuchKuchHotaHai

I could have filled the cracks in the plaster by now, sanded the excess down and then painted over it. It's like watching paint dry? I jest. It's not that bad. Promise. #KuchKuchHotaHai

We find out that Salman Khan is modern day Anjali's fiance. He looks exactly the same as he does now, apart from he has no muscles. I think he's been in the gym ever since shooting this film. #KuchKuchHotaHai

There's another big dance scene. I've lost count. I reckon this three-hour film would be 20 minutes in total without the singing and dancing. Time to unmute our video call with cousins. Shoutout to Nina in MK. #KuchKuchHotaHai

We meet an older Rifat Bi, she is praying to Allah. We then meet Babaji, a Sikh man. I do like the diversity of this film. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Little Anjali is trying to stop Big Anjali's wedding with Salman's character by praying for it to be cancelled. Her prayers have somewhat been answered. Wedding postponed - pushed back until December. Big Anjali, I have been informed, has been played by Kajol. #KuchKuchHotaHai

Not sure about this Kajol actress, to be honest. I've heard of her name. She looks like she has a caterpillar on her forehead.

Rahul's house is really nice. Have they explained what he does for a living? If he was a doctor or lawyer, I'm sure it would have been mentioned several times. (These jobs make Indian elders very proud of their family) #KuchKuchHotaHai

I'm going to make my own story up for his job. Rahul is a #marketing supremo, who works on multimillion pound/rupee #comms campaigns. As I type, we have just found out that Rahul is on his way to Indian exporting conference. I preferred my version. #KuchKuchHotaHai

And there it is: the Anjali name confusion is now in the plotline. Lots of phone calls and conversations where the characters are all over the shop. Just call them 'Little Anjali' and 'Big Anjali' like I have in this thread. It works well for me. #KuchKuchHotaHai

I recognise this gentleman on the left (obviously, the one on the right is a woman!) Who is he? Let's ask the wife. #KuchKuchHotaHai

His name is John, apparently. Is she playing with me? #KuchKuchHotaHai