I kind of want to talk about body image. But I'm probably going to fuck this up, so bear with me and be compassionate: i have never been attractive. At it's absolute best my body is that of a tank, all squares and edges. And now it is fat.
I smashed too much of myself against walls, as part of a life I used to live. But I don't resent attractive people nor do I feel bitter about my body. I don't like how it looks, but it has carried me to the Gates of Hell and back. It has earnt the right to look like shit.
But even if it didn't, why would it matter? I know why. But why would anyone else but me have an opinion?
I guess, I am feeling defensive because of all the bullshit posts about body image and iso weight gain. Can y'all just stop? I don't really need to know you're ashamed of yourself and by extension me.
Yeah, I look like shit. I have pulled barbed wire and teeth out of my face. My face has been cut in a knife fight. I have had my own teeth rip through the muscle in cheek until there was just skin holding. I have a limp and percussive tinnitus.
It's called surviving. And it leaves scars. If your scar is a little bit of pudge and a flinch, you did well. There are dead who didn't get a chance to earn that much.