Man United squad as school kids; a thread.

Marcus Rashford - Chills with the popular group but is safe with everyone, does well in school and has a long term relationship.

Andreas Pereira - Reckons he’s hard but everyone knows he’s a bender. Gets bullied by Martial, is academically gifted but underperforms.

Nemanja Matić - Big scary foreign bloke. Hit 6ft1 in year 7. Doesn’t say much but is respected by all because his dad is a nutter. Stinks.

Jesse Lingard - Chills with the popular group but just is a fucking aid. Bottom of the class but the teachers love him because he does cool dances.

Anthony Martial - Cock of the school. Sits at the back smoking but the teacher is too scared to say anything. Shags any woman with a pulse.

Harry Maguire - Sits at the front answering every question. The whole class hates him but you can’t say anything because his dad is a policeman.

Victor Lindelof - Best mates with Maguire but everyone likes him and he has a long term relationship with the pengest girl in the year. No one knows why he likes Maguire so much but he’s still a loyal friend

Eric Bailly - Fucking nutjob. Once got suspended for making a shank out of a whiteboard pen and stabbing Maguire on the back of his neck. Loved by everyone.

Bruno Fernandes - The new kid that everyone likes, sits at the back with Martial but gets on with his work. Has some dodgy teeth but no one comments on them because he’s such a legend.

Diogo Dalot - Tag-along. Follows Bruno around everywhere and gives him food so Bruno will like him. Loved by the PE teacher (MikeLUHG) because he can whip a good ball in.

Odion Ighalo - Eric Bailly’s best mate. Has looked about 30 since year 7. Everyone goes to him for advice (including the teachers) because he’s like a wise old man.

Aaron Wan-Bissaka - Doesn’t say much but respected by everyone. Rumours say he has a 12 inch cock. The PE teacher hates him because he dives in too much in matches.

Luke Shaw - Fat prick, universally hated.

Paul Pogba - Scored a goal in the school county cup final and now never shuts up about it. Hated by some but adored by others. Won the school talent show with Jesse Lingard.

End of thread. Likes and RTs appreciated. Please follow me and feel free to add your own for any I missed below: