Here’s a series of snarky subtweets. Aimed at no one identifiable. At all. Feel free to add your own below.

1. If you leave a towel on the bath it doesn’t dry half as frikkin well as if you put it on the towel radiator in the bathroom put there for exactly that sodding purpose

2. If a person puts a frying pan in the chuffin sink it needs washing with washing up liquid not a quick rinse under the chuffin tap because science has not taught water to remove oil yet.

Also we have a dishwasher.

Also I have chuffin eyes.

3. You owe me £10 from the weekly round up of “How many people on the next bus”.

Gah. I’m being too specific now aren’t I?

( he had only moved the frying pan not Fake News Its Clean! -ed it)