I just wish they knew, and am somewhat envious of their more positive bonds between the people I& #39;m annoyed with. I& #39;m envious that they& #39;re more autonomous and have little to lose or get inflicted with even if they did get closer to those people.

It then makes me ruminate about the idea that maybe I just wasn& #39;t good enough for them, and no matter how hard I tried, they would rather choose anyone else than me- no matter how little they know about the other person. And it& #39;s a great insult to my efforts. My entirity.

Maybe I had seen too much, things that they could not come back from, to ever make up for because their refusal on self-work, that they would rather provoke me by gaslighting and rubbing it in my face before I finally walk out, they still play victim publicly. They still lie.

It& #39;s very frustrating. Unjust. And simply letting go just can& #39;t seem to be enough. That shit sucks.