Alright, I don't normally do this, but I'm playing some #FF7R and I have commentary.

First impression: if my nostalgia button was an erogenous zone, I'd have messed myself twice in the opening cinematic alone.

Barrett is my new second-favorite fictional radical environmentalist, behind Mark Whalberg in I Huckabees.

Fun fact #1: Jessie's VA is also the current official VA for Barbie.
Jessie fact #2: Jessie's last name is Raspberry

God, I forgot how awkward Cloud is. That haircut he clearly gave himself is not helping his case.

Does Jessie have any lines that aren't 'that's what she said' jokes?

Okay, was that five-alarm sexual energy between Cloud and Sephrioth in the original game?

Cloud, I love you, but anyone suffering from acid flashbacks that intense should not be allowed to carry a giant sword.

The citizens of Midgar are practicing social distancing.

Is there anyone in this game who DOESN'T have sexual tension with Cloud?

Barrett is the least conspicuous person ever.