alright everyone. it’s day 28 in the Jeremy Bearimy reckoning. tell me an interesting fact you’ve learned from stalking your exes.

#1. Has an astronomy degree now but does software engineering in the finance sector.

Pros: could have been rich!
Cons: only has an undergrad degree, probably couldn’t discuss the Lane-Emden equation with me

#2. Also a software engineer, plays cello at weddings on the weekends. Facebook reveals little but Venmo? tells me he was paying rent to that girl I was always suspicious of in high school. What happened?

#3—took me home for thanksgiving in college, turned out to be a pot farm in a double wide. Classic Florida Man. Cheated on me! Drunk texted to apologize last year. Suprisingly has his shit together now, grew a beard, is hot. Devastating.

#4: built a real and functioning light saber. never did finish that iron man suit he was always working on. libertarian. had a friend who was getting a bioeng degree to turn himself into an octopus. now has a 9-5 consulting gig.