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1/ A thread on my substance abuse: partly inspired by @causalinf a few months ago! Initially, I turned to heavy drinking not so for much for the social aspect (though that certainly was an excuse), but to cure an insomnia problem.
2/ However, that soon got out of hand. Before you knew it, I was not only drinking heavily on my own before bed, but I started to drink in the mornings too to get through the day.
3/ What was a more sinister development however, was that due to the depressive effects of alcohol, before you knew it (since last summer), I was taking cocaine quite a bit on top.
4/ Cocaine use in Britain is very widespread (more so than you probably think), but at the time I took it as a strong stimulant to counter the adverse effects of alcohol. I didnât think anything of it - I easily thought I could use recreationally w/o addiction, but...
5/ At first, my coke use was limited to special occasions & big nights out, but that got out of hand. Perhaps the first sign was when @causalinf did a workshop in London, & I was trying hard not to sleep due to comedown (it was after Halloween when I went on a large binge).
6/ Before you knew it, I became an addict. After my exams in mid-January, I was using coke at least three times a week, up until mid-March. Iâd use it every time I could; on nights out, at day, even when meeting family.
7/ Obviously it took a strain on my finances (I spent at least in the ÂŁ1000s on it, but it profoundly affected my mental health. Little things, such as a short romance & the challenges of academic stuff not working out, sent me haywire. It made a manageable situation much worse
8/ Not only was (in the last few weeks I was regularly using coke) I a paranoid wreck, I was also very depressed. Iâm certain (even though I have been depressed in the past) that wouldâve easily been manageable if I wasnât spending my time either on it or recovering from it.
9/ Soon that affected my friendships. I nearly cut contact with my best friend under the influence of coke (bcs I wasnât invited to a party he was at as I drinking & using so much). Iâm banned from events at an LSE society due to how I behaved on the influence of coke & alcohol.
10/ I effectively prioritised cocaine over socialising, making another of my best friends go to a bar on the other side of London to where we were at, where I knew I could use coke safely (i.e. without being caught).
11/ Iâm autistic as well, so I guess a part of me thought that cocaine & alcohol would help me to socialise. That backfired massively, I was too high a lot of the time for anyone to have a good conversation with, above all else.
12/ But the point came when I was so unhealthy I had to suspend my studies for a year due to coke & alcohol, & the depression it caused. I could no longer hide it from family, as not only did my nose bleed in front of my aunt when I was on a massive binge (my lowest point)...
13/ ...but my dad (who runs a chain of private schools specialising with students with âspecial needsâ and behavioural problems) noticed that I lost an unhealthy amount of weight, which could only be explained by drug use.
15/ But my family werenât judgemental at all! They always loved me, even with my mistakes, which is what gives me the motivation to recover. My mum put me in contact with a very effective drug counsellor, which has been very helpful so far!
14/ The worst thing is, I largely kept the worst accesses of coke & alcohol abuse to myself. Whilst I would meet mates when absolutely wired (when they werenât, as none of my close mates use coke that much, so again I was fooling myself), most of my worst binges were solitary.
15/ I would turn up to uni very high on coke & a shit-ton of alcohol, even (and mostly) for events where it wasnât warranted. Iâd spend hours at home not sleeping & enjoying the short high that it brought. And Iâd use in the mornings & daytime to get me through the comedown.
16/ Btw coke & alcohol are not the only drugs I have a problem with. Last summer I had to go to hospital due to taking so much MDMA that I got psychosis! But afterwards, I stopped abusing that drug.
17/ So why am I making this thread. First of all, posting about it keeps me on track in recovery. My wonderful family and friends want to see me recover, so I will do my hardest to do so. So to quote Draghi, I will do âwhatever it takesâ.
18/ Iâm lucky enough not to have had a heart attack, or any other form of overdose. There have been times when Iâve come close to overdose (chest tightening, very rapid heart beat, throwing up, mild hallucinations, etc.) that it was a possibility.
19/ Secondly, thereâs not enough info out there (except from rehabs who just want to make money) about coke & alcohol abuse, so Iâll fill the gap with my honest & unbiased assessment. Talking about this publically, especially during a successful recovery, is a strength!
20/ Thirdly, I believe coke use has reached epidemic use in Britain now. On the nightlife scene, itâs gone viral. While my mates didnât use it, Iâve seen plenty of people certainly âon itâ. Coke can be great, but it soon turn into addiction faster than you think!
21/ London has very high levels of coke in its water system. Most of the people I know who use coke do it regularly (socially or not). Itâs more addictive than you think. Iâm finding it as hard to quit (in terms of withdrawal) as when I tried (unsuccessfully) to give up smoking.
22/ Most people wonât become a full-blown addict, but too many will create an unhealthy habit out of it.
23/ So I hope this thread helps anyone in a similar position! My next threads on the issue (when it comes) will focus on strategies thatâve helped me reduce my drinking (and cut out coke), and on the effects of cocaine. (End)
