A Cheever story where this drunk guy gets in a pool and everyone is just like, Okay, that drunk asshole is in the pool, we can talk now.

A Carver story where the drunk guy goes to the hardware store and starts fixing his place up because who can live like that.

A Bukowski story where he just shuts the fuck up, just shut the fuck up.

An Updike story where no one will fuck him, so it’s just his golf game going to shit for nineteen pages.