Just imagine if it wasn't your *friend* publishing her flight from NYC with her family. Potentially an asymptomatic carrier, travelling to reach her people. Allegedly being careful. If it were some other woman, you might not applaud or fawn. But she is your friend, so it is fine.

My mother is sick, right now.

Sick enough that they wanted to hospitalize her this week. I have been in AGONY.

She is all alone. A widow. High risk. There was no way I could get to her without risking myself or others. No *ethical* way, no matter how scrupulous my OCD makes me

These are horrifying times to be very American, atomized individuals, 100s, 1000s of miles away from our parents. Everyone is doing the best they can to traverse uncharted territory. But I see who is lauded and who is scorned for the same choice. And I see beauty + wealth matter.

I am happy for your pretty friend and her lucky family. But she is not my friend, and MY family is sick; hers is not. So while you praise her "courage" and "vision", spare a thought for those actually suffering. You think I couldn't have driven through the night with some Clorox?

You think I wouldn't have been careful with the "staff" I met along the way? You think I don't have a second home to quarantine in, full of food + comfort? I do. But I am not so selfish. And many are like me. And we won't get paid for doing the hardest part: staying in our homes.

But I am happy for your pretty friend. I am glad her glamorous hegira excited you. I love that for you, I know you're bored right now, so it's nice to burble over her content. I don't give a fuck if you like me less for this thread.

My mother is sick.

And I cannot be with her.

I am no longer pretty, or young, or thin. Maybe that's why I cannot throw caution to the wind and follow my feelings instead of devastating lockdown orders. I am not gilded by the same light as your special friend + her healthy family.

So I stay inside, gnash my teeth, and weep.