I want to talk about my answers to this question. I have changed my mind on some pretty dramatic things recently, and my mind was not changed by debate. https://twitter.com/tithenai/status/1248650289902649346

Perhaps the biggest one is that:
* In a healthy family, traditions are important times of reconnecting and bearing witness to *someones* or *somethings*
* It is important for queer people of faith to have access to affirming faith communities.

For both of these things, my mind has not been changed by getting into an argument with someone.

My friend @CedarKlassen does important work in the intersection of faith and queerness: http://www.cedarklassen.ca/projects/ .

We initially set-up on a blind friend date, and bonded over poly stuff. They then invited me into their home many, many times, broke bread with me, and told me various stories about their life.

That was it. We never had "debates" about faith, religion, *anything*.

But it was enough. Their stories deeply convinced me that faith is just as an important part of someone's identity and personhood as queerness is to mine. I spent the past few months exploring what my relationship to faith is, and had something of a spiritual journey.

My spiritual journey is going to take a different form than Cedar's. Mostly, because my "spiritual teacher" ended up being @terriwindling's blog. Her stories touched me and moved me. The traditions she spoke about spoke deeply to me.

This is how I changed my mind about the importance of tradition. Through another person's stories and exploration, not through direct arguments. I do not think Terri has a single post on her blog where she is actively trying to convince someone of anything.

This has implications. My beliefs in these things are less grounded in a concrete thing that can be dis-proven. I think this is where we get to a personal concept of "faith", a belief that is not connected to something that I can look for evidence for or again.

It is *solely* about my relationship to the thing and how the thing makes me feel. It is on the level of emotional response.

For some things, that makes sense. It helps me think about which beliefs I am going to look for arguments and which I am going to look for stories.

But also stories, mutual respect, and having meals together are *such* powerful things. The next time you disagree with someone, consider inviting them to tea, and asking about their life.