fuck it every like this get ill say a dad joke goodbye

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.