Thread by @liederletsoalo, I’m thinking of making a thread of all my near death experiences [...]

I’m thinking of making a thread of all my near death experiences

Ayyt lesss getit
This is a 3-part series based on true events but some parts have been exaggerated for dramatisation purposes (or something like that)

Part 1

I was about 7/8 yrs old and my mom and I were at my dad’s house (we used to live in a different province because of her job) so I woke up pretty early and I was kinda hungry so I asked my parents to make me food but they were sleeping and my brothers were the only ones up

So there I am chilling on the couch hungry as shit... so I ask my bros to make me some food and they’re like “voetsek saan make your own” (RUDE!!

) time I’m only a bundle of joy

I’m hella touched because no one wants to make me food

but I eventually dragged myself to the kitchen (actual picture of me on the left)

So I get to the kitchen and make one of the best sandwiches ever made by a child

we’re talking cheese, vienas, ham and mayonnaise... so to be a little extra I decide to put it in the toaster just for that baabaatiii

So the toaster is done toasting and now it’s time to munch

but before that I had to unplug it from the extension cord (this is where it gets dark)

So the toaster is done toasting and now it’s time to munch but before that I had to unplug it from the extension cord (this is where it gets dark)

I’m struggling to unplug the toaster daar, ebile ka juluga

so I ask my bros to unplug it for me and once again they say “voetsek saan” I’m like okay these niggas ain’t shiii

I’m struggling to unplug the toaster daar, ebile ka juluga so I ask my bros to unplug it for me and once again they say “voetsek saan” I’m like okay these niggas ain’t shiii

So I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna unplug this thing before I eat...

So right on the counter is a stainless steel teaspoon “mhhmm this could work” I said in my pure dumbness

So I carefully place the teaspoon in between the plug and the extension (vvvv bad decision) I was so convinced this was gonna work

So the plug loosens and before I knew it FAAAAAAA!!!! I felt something move from my finger up until my shoulder

Everything became dark for about 30 seconds and I started seeing lightning in my head... “Yohhh mawehhhh”: I screamed in pain

My brothers didn’t care, they were pissed because I tripped the main switch and the tv turned off (them niggas lowkey hate me)

My dad storms out of his room in his boxers featuring mokhaba

when he gets there he starts shouting at everyone (akitsi why) and all I wanted to do was eat my sandwich

They asked me why I did what I did and I was like “no one wanted to make me food akere, bona nou ampor ke saata”

My brothers got a young beating because they almost killed me and nna I devoured my sandwich in peace (I didn’t care that my arm was painful) that was the last day I made food for myself for about 2 years

THE END.

Part 2 (I almost burnt my face off)

Fast forward some months after part one...
I’m back in Limpopo (Bela bela) where I lived with my Mom, you guys should know that my mom used to go out a lot back then

ne ele mahamba busuku so I knew that most fridays I would sleep ko Makhi

One Friday ka winter my mom said she’s taking me to makhi coz yena o bo hlaba le bras tsa gae, I didn’t have a flop because I was gonna sleep over at my friends house.(we didn’t live in the burbs back then, ne ele kasi e oright fela)

So while I’m at Makhi’s crib the lights go out

ehhh scene

Makhi (my friends mom) decides to start a fire outside, Akere ke winter, so we all go outside to chill around the fire. It was me, my friend le makhi
And I was sitting on those chairs that don’t have a back rest I think it’s called a stool

We’re busy there laughing having a good time at around 9pm, be gole monate no lie

makhi was also telling us scary stories about boloyi ba daar

After about an hour I start to get sleepy. “Cheofacho ngwanaka, tsamo robala” said makhi in her motherly tone (for some reason, those people couldn’t pronounce my name properly ke TSHEGOFATSO!)but anywayyy
I’m like Nahh dawg ke monate

I was sitting pretty close to the fire because it was cold...
So there I am quarter to dozing off.
Y’all know that moment when your head is about to go down but you wake up before it gets down? Ele nna ka nako eo

My head went down twice but I was able to recover both times, tshaba fela the 3rd time

I landed Face First in the fire Shaaaaa!!! (For real) before I knew it my forehead was boma medium rare to well done

My friend pulls me up and before I knew it ke ultwa tswaaa mo sefatlhegong, makhi is busy throwing water at my face (at this point ho fucken

) makhi is PANICKING DAWG but nna I couldn’t feel anything

After a few splashes of water my forehead starts to itch and I can’t stop scratching it, I could feel my tissue peeling off my skull

Makhi wants to rush me to the hospital but her husband took the car to go drinking Ko kae kae

so she carries me on her back and goes door to door asking people to take us to the hospital

Finally someone helps us, we jump in the car and go straight to the hospital... My face was still itchy and peeling
That man wasn’t driving properly but I understood because it was an emergency

So we get to the hospital, the doctors check me out daar
Luckily the burns weren’t that severe, my eyes and rest of my face was okay but my forehead was ripe along with part of my hair

The doctor did her thing and gave me some cream and wrapped my head with a bandage, My mom arrived early in the morning (she was probably tossed but I don’t remember)

I had a scary scar for a while but it eventually disappeared, now my forehead is fine

THE END.

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