vent thread//

I just wish I can be willing to talk to people online more often but it's kinda hard making new friends cuz first I'm ausitic and second I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and I feel like some people will never forgive me for them. (1/?)

I've matured as a person but I'm still struggling to be socially active in the OSC. I try to make friends but yet all of this peer pressure is weighing on me so hard. I have my own friend group but it's not very active and I'm not in many other friend groups. (2/?)

I've only been in a few other friend groups in the past but those either broke up shortly thereafter or grew inactive over time. Object Show has also made it worse for me, a show I once had high hopes and ambitions for is now in its little crisis. (3/?)

All of the constructive criticism on my show has been weighing me down and I feel a lot of regret making it cuz I feel like I've forced myself to make this show even though I wasn't happy about it and I kinda overhyped it a lot too. (4/?)

I'm just not satisfied with my show and I'm thinking about cancelling it for the good of it and for my mental health. I wanna make a good show, something to represent my talents and who I am. This show that I made didn't had that. I just can't look back at that show. (5/?)

I rather forget about it and make a new show. I still really want make an object show. This one just didn't hit the right notes for me and I feel like this was made at a bad time. If I do make a new show, it's gonna be a while for me to think of any ideas for a good show. (6/?)

I've haven't been in any camps this year and I've mostly left most of the camp servers cuz I feel like people just hate me cuz I'm really bad at camps and don't even do the entries. I wanna do good in a camp and I have good goals for competing in one. (7/?)

I wanna make some new friends through a camp but it's just that I don't have the motivation and dedication to compete in one yet I really wanna compete in a good camp. I especially feel very unwelcomed in the QuickDraw server. (8/?)

QD1 was the only camp that I actually had fun in until my short time came to an end, but still I had fun in it. It's just that I feel like people there hate me and see me as some loser mostly cuz of my shit performance in QD2 and cuz of how awkward I can be in that server. (9/?)

I just wanna compete in another camp and actually relive the moments I've had with QuickDraw 1. I wanna compete in a camp where I can actually show my dedication and who I am. I wanna be in a camp where I can talk to new people and befriend them. (10/?)

I just feel like a shadow among the OSC, never noticed and always forgotten. Everyone that I used to talk to back in 2014 to 2019 has pretty much stop talking to me or just abandoned me. I've done so much bad shit in the past. (11/?)

7 years, 7 FUCKING YEARS IN THE OSC! All I've done in the OSC was be a fucking loser and I feel like that's all I'll ever be! I just wanna be a good friend and make good content, that's all! I don't wanna repeat this cycle of me being depressed, sad, and lonely. (12/?)

I don't wanna repeat this cycle of me throwing tantrums and expecting people to sympathize with me. I don't wanna act like a manchild anymore. I wanna actually do good, but from where I'm from, it's hard for me to! I feel like I won't ever be the person who I want to be. (13/?)

I have no one to talk to irl other than my family, I do have a few irl friends but they're pretty hard to get in contact to especially online. So I'm left with the OSC, the only fandom and online community I've ever been in for a long period of time. (14/?)

I've been in a few other communities and fandoms before but my stays there were short. Somehow I managed to stay in the OSC for 7 years! Although there was a period where I was inactive for a few years but even though I still watched some of those object shows. (15/?)

The OSC has some of the nicest people there and it gave me the opportunity to socialize there but I feel like I've already blown my chances to befriend most of the people there. Okay, I'm autistic, I don't have good english despite it being my native language. (16/?)

I don't have good speaking capabilities and often I sound like I have an accent. I'm very socially awkward and I've had little social and emotional experience outside of the internet. I don't know what to do now. I feel like I'm never gonna be who I want to be. (17/?)

I just wish I can actually improve as a person but It's hard with all of the struggles and faults in my life and in my being. I still got a really long journey ahead of me but yet I really don't wanna fuck up my chances like I did for the past several years. (18/?)

I wanna be Zoey, but most times I feel like I'm not Zoey. I wanna be Zoey. I wanna be me. I wanna be the person who I want to be. Zoey. It's gonna be a long path but I'll continue and try to keep moving foward. I'm sorry for this long thread. (19/?)

I'm sorry if I had to vent all of this onto my main account only for it to be led to your timeline, I just need to express my current state at a time where everyone else seens lonely and sad due to the current river of events of a certain pandemic. (20/?)

I've experienced lonliness and isolation for my whole life and it sucks to see many other people having to expirence this sort of thing due to the recent pandemic. But with the internet, you all can still chat with your irl or online friends through facetime, skype, etc. (21/?)

For me, I've always been lonely and it hasn't changed ever since the pandemic. (22/?)