If you recently started following me you might not know that I occasionally play Darth Vader for charity.

Well, the truth is I AM Darth Vader. I play a doc for fun!

Here’s what my life is like with social distancing...

Photos by @pawelkadysz

Shout out to @HamillHimself 1/

First of all... does time even mean anything anymore?

Every time I wake up I stare at my watch and try to use the Force to figure out if it’s AM or PM.

Obi-Wan once told me time was an illusion. I thought he was BSing, but I guess not.

Anyways, time to get up. I think... 2/

People always ask me what the toughest part of being Vader is.

Is it the breathing? The memories of my lost love? My constant suffering and rage in an endless torment as the Dark Side twists my very soul?

Nah, it’s brushing my teeth.

Still can’t figure this out. 3/

You’d think being one with the Force would be awesome, and it usually is.

But sometimes the Force has a mind of its own, and it sends you messages when you’re trying to eat breakfast.

This totally happened randomly and wasn’t staged at all.

Totally the Force.

Totally. 4/

My big hobby is reading.

People don’t know this, but the reason the Death Star was so big was about 90% of it was a library with a ton of storage space.

Yeah Luke. You blew up a library. Great job.

Ok it had a big gun on it but still, mostly library. 5/

I’m trying to learn how to cook, but all these quarantine recipes are bogus.

Either that or I’m just not a good cook, but that’s impossible.

I’m Vader. I’m good at everything.

I just made lasagna in a microwave from scratch.

It tastes like bantha poodoo.

Lousy recipe. 6/

I try and be productive and squeeze in some chores.

Obi-Wan always told me it was cheating if I used the Force to help with work.

But whatever. I’m Dark Side now. I use the Force for EVERYTHING.

Also I listen to 90s pop while vacuuming.

Boy bands were all Sith. 7/

Checked out some old photos while doing some cleaning.

Found my old Sith Academy yearbook photo.

Yeah, there’s a Sith Academy. It’s like Hogwarts but Slytherin ONLY, and run by Voldemort.

Anyways, I was “hawt.” I think that’s what the kids say these days. 8/

I don’t let the social distancing stop my fitness.

True story, Yoda and I were meeting on Dagobah for a battle a few years ago. Instead we turned it into a push-up challenge.

I did like 4 push-ups. It was solid.

Yoda did 982, but he weighs less than my helmet.

Cheater. 9/

I like to watch romantic comedies in the evening. Padme always said I wasn’t in touch with my emotions, but I really am.

Sort of.

Ok, I’m usually crying because I want the bad guy to break up the relationship and “win” but whatever.

Love hurts. 10/

If you were at the Coruscant Costco today and I Force-shoved you out of the way, it was only to keep you at a safe 6ft distance.

I absolutely HATE getting home from socially distanced groceries and realizing I forgot something.

(Hint: it rhymes with boilet baper.) 11/

I try and read magazines and papers to keep up on pop culture.

Everyone’s talking about “Tiger King.”

You know that show is ALL Sith Lords right? Every last one of them. Sith.

The only “kings” in it are the tigers themselves, and their suffering makes even Vader hurt. 12/

After dinner (or it could be breakfast, because honestly who knows), I usually like to work out some more then unwind in the bathtub.

People think I can’t smell anything through the mask.

Wrong! I love scented candles.

Another day is over.

May the Force be with us all. 13/

Finally to clarify again, the photos were all by @pawelkadysz (I’m not the Vader in the photos).

I know the toll taken by COVID-19 is very real. This thread was not to make light of it. But just to make people smile.

If @HamillHimself sees this, I’m retiring from Twitter.