Read on Twitter
THREAD (1)
*A DEMOCRAT AND A REPUBLICAN WALK INTO A DINER*
SERVER: Hi. What’ll it be?
DEMOCRAT: Omg thank god you’re here. I haven’t eaten in four years.
SERVER: Wow. Four years, huh? You must be starving.
DEMOCRAT: Yes. If I don’t eat something I’ll die.
*A DEMOCRAT AND A REPUBLICAN WALK INTO A DINER*
SERVER: Hi. What’ll it be?
DEMOCRAT: Omg thank god you’re here. I haven’t eaten in four years.
SERVER: Wow. Four years, huh? You must be starving.
DEMOCRAT: Yes. If I don’t eat something I’ll die.
(2)
SERVER: Ok then what do you want to eat?
DEMOCRAT: I really really want this blueberry pie on the menu.
SERVER: Oh I’m sorry we’re out of the blueberry pie. But we have this really delicious apple pie!
SERVER: Ok then what do you want to eat?
DEMOCRAT: I really really want this blueberry pie on the menu.
SERVER: Oh I’m sorry we’re out of the blueberry pie. But we have this really delicious apple pie!
(3)
DEMOCRAT: What?? That’s unacceptable to me. My first choice is the blueberry pie.
SERVER: I know. But the apple pie is literally the exact same recipe as the blueberry pie. Same ingredients. Same crust.
DEMOCRAT: What?? That’s unacceptable to me. My first choice is the blueberry pie.
SERVER: I know. But the apple pie is literally the exact same recipe as the blueberry pie. Same ingredients. Same crust.
(4)
Same consistency. Same calorie count. It’s just apples instead of blueberries, so the flavor profile is a tiny bit more mild. I’ve been working here for 40 years and I promise you it’s really delicious. I’ll go get you some...
DEMOCRAT: Don’t bother. I don’t feel seen.
Same consistency. Same calorie count. It’s just apples instead of blueberries, so the flavor profile is a tiny bit more mild. I’ve been working here for 40 years and I promise you it’s really delicious. I’ll go get you some...
DEMOCRAT: Don’t bother. I don’t feel seen.
(5)
Nothing for me, thanks.
SERVER: Wait, what? Didn’t you say you where starving? If you don’t eat you’ll die.
DEMOCRAT: Yes. But at least I’ll have the satisfaction of complaining about this restaurant on twitter while I’m dying.
Nothing for me, thanks.
SERVER: Wait, what? Didn’t you say you where starving? If you don’t eat you’ll die.
DEMOCRAT: Yes. But at least I’ll have the satisfaction of complaining about this restaurant on twitter while I’m dying.
(6)
*burns through last 10 calories in entire body by taking out phone and tweeting*
SERVER: Um... wouldn’t you rather eat the apple pie now just to keep yourself alive, and see if we can get another shipment of blueberry pie next week? I mean, pie is pie, right?
*burns through last 10 calories in entire body by taking out phone and tweeting*
SERVER: Um... wouldn’t you rather eat the apple pie now just to keep yourself alive, and see if we can get another shipment of blueberry pie next week? I mean, pie is pie, right?
(7)
DEMOCRAT: No. Pie is not pie. Apples just don’t excite me. I prefer to continue to starve and complain about you not having blueberries than settle for apples.
SERVER: O....... k......
DEMOCRAT: Why aren’t you wooing me.
SERVER: Why aren’t I what?
DEMOCRAT: No. Pie is not pie. Apples just don’t excite me. I prefer to continue to starve and complain about you not having blueberries than settle for apples.
SERVER: O....... k......
DEMOCRAT: Why aren’t you wooing me.
SERVER: Why aren’t I what?
(8)
DEMOCRAT: *while passing out* Wooing me. If you don’t have my first choice, you’re supposed to woo me. I want to be wooed. *passes out*
SERVER: *pauses*
*turns to republican*
What can I get you, then?
DEMOCRAT: *while passing out* Wooing me. If you don’t have my first choice, you’re supposed to woo me. I want to be wooed. *passes out*
SERVER: *pauses*
*turns to republican*
What can I get you, then?
(9)
REPUBLICAN: I’ll be honest... I’m so full that I can barely move, but I’m kinda craving the ribeye steak.
SERVER: Oh I’m sorry, we’re also out of the ribeye.
REPUBLICAN: Well what’s the closest thing you have to a ribeye? NY strip? Porterhouse? Filet?
REPUBLICAN: I’ll be honest... I’m so full that I can barely move, but I’m kinda craving the ribeye steak.
SERVER: Oh I’m sorry, we’re also out of the ribeye.
REPUBLICAN: Well what’s the closest thing you have to a ribeye? NY strip? Porterhouse? Filet?
(10)
SERVER: I saw an open can of dog food on the ground back there somewhere that I could’ve sworn had the words “beef flavored” printed in it.
REPUBLICAN: Good enough for me! I’ll take it!
*pushes democrat off chair*
*puts feet up*
Oh, and charge my buddy here.
SERVER: I saw an open can of dog food on the ground back there somewhere that I could’ve sworn had the words “beef flavored” printed in it.
REPUBLICAN: Good enough for me! I’ll take it!
*pushes democrat off chair*
*puts feet up*
Oh, and charge my buddy here.
