I realize how what’s been bothering me for months and it’s the desperate battle to not be jaded about having connections with people

I don’t want to give up on people, but everyday it gets harder. It takes a lot of effort to just stay out of the mindset of deleting my online life and completely severing myself from the world and it’s genuinely agonizing.

It’s not “ohgh no body cares about meeee” it’s more of what’s the point of having any sort of connections if they lack any fufillment in my life and cause me this much stress. It would be better if I was simply an observer to all of this rather than a participant.

It sucks because a part of me still wants friends and have people in my life but I feel myself jaded by my interactions because sometimes my relationships with ppl feel transactional.

I know that this is normal for someone who was a lengthy relationship with their abuser. I realize this is me responding to my pain and trying to deal with it. But I haven’t felt like I could voice it to anyone and if I did, I would simply be brushed off.

This is very difficult to talk about, especially on my main twitter. It’s still hard to voice my feelings exactly but this kinda sums it up. The only solution thus far is to keep an emotional yard stick between myself and others.

And maybe that’s all I can do. At least for now. Anyways end thread.