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Stuff I've been doing to keep myself entertained in isolation:
1. I used a Ferrero Roche wrapper to give myself that gold tooth I've always wanted.
2. An egg, four oranges and four potatoes. Bocce ball.
3. I called my ex-mother-in-law today. Just to chat.
4. Bread-bag puppets.
1. I used a Ferrero Roche wrapper to give myself that gold tooth I've always wanted.
2. An egg, four oranges and four potatoes. Bocce ball.
3. I called my ex-mother-in-law today. Just to chat.
4. Bread-bag puppets.
5. During all my Zoom meetings I speak only using movie quotes. One client seemed especially pleased to learn they complete me.
6. Learned to play Smoke on the Water using only a cupped hand and my armpit.
7. I pretend I still have a dog. The playing fetch part needs work.
6. Learned to play Smoke on the Water using only a cupped hand and my armpit.
7. I pretend I still have a dog. The playing fetch part needs work.
8. Called one of those divorce lawyers who offer the first 30 minutes free. To discuss the ins and outs of tackling a messy divorce. I am not married.
9. I officially announce my arrival, everytime I go into another room.
10. Amazon does not sell and deliver puppies. Can confirm.
9. I officially announce my arrival, everytime I go into another room.
10. Amazon does not sell and deliver puppies. Can confirm.
11. I get out of bed in the morning like I'm an Olympic gymnast landing a balance beam dismount. Arms up. Back arched. Ankles touching. Sometimes I even wobble a little bit, for added dramatic effect.
12. I sometimes just randomly yell, "Stelllllllaaaaaa!"
13. Toast Henge.
12. I sometimes just randomly yell, "Stelllllllaaaaaa!"
13. Toast Henge.
14. Yesterday I taught myself how to juggle two balls. Today I'm going to try juggling two butcher knives. I am setting my phone to voice control before I do.
15. Made myself a roast chicken just so I could do my Julia Child impersonation for three hours straight.
16. Funny hats.
15. Made myself a roast chicken just so I could do my Julia Child impersonation for three hours straight.
16. Funny hats.
17. I sit in the back seat of my car, put my laptop on the dash and pretend I'm at the drive-in. I get the neighbour leave me some popcorn and watered-down pop on their deck halfway through the movie and charge me $26.00 for it.
18. Time my yawns. Trying to beat 18-second record.
18. Time my yawns. Trying to beat 18-second record.
19. When I'm deciding what to make for dinner I pretend I'm a Price is Right model while I'm browsing the cupboards.
20. I pack an overnight bag and leave a 'Please Do Not Disturb' door hanger on the front door before I take a shower. #jetsetter
21. Balled sock and broom curling
20. I pack an overnight bag and leave a 'Please Do Not Disturb' door hanger on the front door before I take a shower. #jetsetter
21. Balled sock and broom curling
22. I load a picture of a big crowd of people as my green screen backdrop on Zoom and then dress up like Waldo for all my videoconferencing meetings.
23. I browse a lot of heavy machinery auction sites. The yellow ones sure are pretty.
24. Pocket lint ranking and cataloguing.
23. I browse a lot of heavy machinery auction sites. The yellow ones sure are pretty.
24. Pocket lint ranking and cataloguing.
25. Macked out my vacuum cleaner. It'll pull the sofa across the room now.
26. I get pictures of fresh-baked bread from iStock and post them on social media with the caption 'See what I did?' If readers infer I meant I baked the bread, that's on them.
26. I get pictures of fresh-baked bread from iStock and post them on social media with the caption 'See what I did?' If readers infer I meant I baked the bread, that's on them.
