Of course I lose time getting caught w/ less essential conversations bcause am confused re who to talk to &why. Of course I’d prefer to be romantic & tweet art, verses & prettiness. And it would be sexier sharing nudes & sexually provocative things. But I’m trying to save lives.

What I mean is....I am chronically stressed and looking for solutions. I am constantly searching for answers, information & energies that will keep people safe. Even when I’m just screwing around online, I ‘m *trying* to comfort myself or feel relaxed to feel & function better.

So I don’t mean to ruin anyone’s mood or let anybody down when people need playmates but I’m under stress about what I understand or don’t; & though I’m trying to enjoy many immediate moments, I’m also taking safety & wellbeing & survival for all - very seriously. It affects me.

Some people are good at putting up internal walls to keep out realities & thoughts. Different people may not have the knowledge or worries on their mind that I do. I’m asking to not be judged harshly. It’s hard for me to be at my best or be fun right now. Not impossible, hard!

There’s a good chance that if you find me insufficiently fun, fabulous, poised, lovely, sexy or fabulous right now, it’s because I am carrying worries on my mind. I’m working on more than one way to keep people safe, not just me. That’s what matters to me most now....

It’s not that thinking of my creative work or beauty or personal interests or play in relationships doesn’t interest me; I wish I felt free enough to let my hair down and be/do that right now, or just be quietly bored, letting all amuse me...sounds like paradise! I wish I could.

I care about everyone here to a ridiculous degree. I have challenges most know nothing about. Yet the world is in shock & I am luckier & more blessed than most rn so I don’t mean this thread to be a complaint. It’s just a statement of my situation in the hope that people get me.