Actual lines in Romeo Juliet:
“O Romeo, that she were! Oh that she were
An open arse, and thou a poperin pear.”

This roughly translates to:
“Oh Romeo, I wish she were an open-arse, and you a popperin pear to pop her in.”
According to Sparknotes

Imma just put the rest of the good lines in a long thread

“Only fools hold on to their virginity.”

“Trade in your name- which really has nothing to do with you- and take all of me in exchange”

“Love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books”
AKA
“A lover goes toward his beloved as enthusiastically as a schoolboy leaving his books”

“I wish I was your bird.”

I should start a “Shakespeare Out of Context” Twitter account at this rate

“I had a sweeter rest then sleep.”
is now what I will say instead of
“I stayed up all night.”

“He’s tougher then the Prince of Cats.”

“By Jesus, a very good blade! A very tall man! A very good whore!”

My new favorite

“In other words, important business made you flex your buttocks.”

“Thou hast most kindly hit it.”

“I will bite you on the ear for that joke.”

I’m genuinely considering a completely new account just for this

I can’t find a good quote for this, but Romeo is roasting a guy by calling him a fat goose

“The lusty hand of the clock is now prickling noon.”

“A pimp! A pimp! A pimp! I’ve found it out.”

Act 2 Scene 5 didn’t have a single funny out of context line
Shame

Ok I’m done reading for now
Hope that if you read this thread you enjoyed it